In about a week, it will have been 5 years since I left my ex-wife for good. It was the best thing for me and I don’t regret it, but doing so caused me unimaginable pain.
The twins were 6 years old at the time. And let me tell you; going from seeing them everyday to hardly ever at all about killed me. It took me a long time to deal with the pain of not seeing them every day. Initially, I only got to see them two days a week. I agreed to that because I didn’t want their whole world flipped upside-down all at once. I gradually added time until my ex and I had split custody.
I still have trouble sometimes in dealing with it when they’re not here. Sometimes I walk by their room if their not here and it just hits me and I just break down.
As I was driving home from work today, I got about half-way home when I realized that this is their mom’s weekend. Extreme melancholy ensued.
So I decided to stop by their mom’s house just to see them really quick. They told me about their day and were asking me all about a pack of baseball cards I gave them.
They then asked me if I’d stay a little bit and toss the football with them. Their mom wasn’t home so I did. And I had a blast.
I really felt a whole lot better afterwards, and was in better spirits. And I was tired. Then I came home and Baby C lifted my spirits even higher.
If anyone is reading this that doesn’t have children yet take note: ensure before you have kids with someone that he/she is the one you want to be with forever, or at least the next 18 years. Divorce is an ugly fucking business in so many ways. Not only did it tear me up that I couldn’t see them every day but it tore them up, too, because I wasn’t there.
Anyhow, I just hope they know how much I love them and that how badly I wish they could just stay here all the time (even though they drive me nuts sometimes).