Those who know me or read this blog religiously (bwahahahahahaha) know that I have an inexplicable intolerance for commercials. Stupid commercials in particular.
Now that the holidays are upon us, I’ve been inundated with commercials featuring jolly old St. Nick, or Santa Claus if your prefer. These annoy me endlessly mostly because of the sheer stupidity of the commercials, but also because any kids watching that still believe may see things that conflict with those beliefs.
There is one commercial, however, that evokes an irate, perhaps irrational, reaction from me every time I see it. And every time I see it I yell at the TV. Here is the commercial:
So according to Apple, there is no Santa magic because Santa uses the iPhone for everything. Query: Does Santa really need directions to a child’s house? Hell no, he already knows it. Does Santa really care how cold it is in Santa Fe? Hell no, he lives in the fucking North Pole. There’s no email with the Naughty and Nice list, Apple. Santa makes the list, and checks it twice. He doesn’t then email it to himself. Assholes. Go easy on the cookies? Since when has Mrs. Claus cared about Santa’s figure? The dude drinks billions of glasses of milk and eats billions of cookies in one night, and he’s lived forever. I doubt she’s really worried about his calorie intake.
Furthermore, I wonder why Apple even wastes money advertising for the iPhone. Every hipster in America either has one or wants one. Tech magazines do their advertising for them. They don’t need to make commercials.
Give the Santa bit a fucking break, people. It’s lame, it’s tiresome, and it’s completely unoriginal. And it insults the intelligence of people smart enough to know the commercials are dumb.