Cops are dicks most of the time. Sure, when it comes down to it a majority of them are heroes when needed. When doing routine police business, however, a lot of them are just plain dicks.
Case in point, as I was driving home from work today my commute lead me past a police station. Just after I passed it a cop turned in behind me which aggravated me for a couple of reasons. One, I had to turn my music down. I don’t know if they still give out tickets for having your music up too loud, but I wasn’t going to take any chances. Two, I had to keep an eye on my speed. I have somewhat of a lead foot and I usually just cruise at my own pace.
So I’m driving along hoping against hope that this cop will stop following me and go some other direction when all of a sudden it happens. A light turned yellow while I was at that magical distance where you either have to slam on the brakes to stop at the light or you have to goose the gas a little bit to clear the intersection before the light turns red. Normally I just tap on the gas and speed through the intersection because I’m always afraid that if I hit the brakes too hard I’m going to get rear-ended. Once you’ve been rear-ended you’re always checking your rear-view. At least, I am.
So out of habit I tapped the gas for a second before I remembered there was a cop behind me. Unfortunately, there were other factors working against me other than my forward momentum. Like the fact that I was traveling downhill on a (roughly) 45 degree decline. So, anyway, I finally come to my senses and hit the brakes. Hard.
I discovered quickly that my car doesn’t have anti-lock brakes. All four of my wheels stopped spinning but my car continued to move forward. All four of my tires screamed in gut-wrenching agony as they left fresh tread marks on the black top. I had my windows down and the sound of my tires screeching along the road was amplified umpteen thousand decibels. HOWEVER, when all was said and done my car actually stopped right on the white line just as the light turned red.
I nervously looked in my rear-view to see if the cop was going to flip on his lights and try to get me for some stupid shit like reckless driving, but I needn’t have worried. So what, pray tell, did my curious eyes see when I peered into the mirror?
That dick laughing at me.
The jackass knew exactly what he had just done to me and was sitting in his mighty Crown Vic laughing his ass off at my misfortune.
What an ass.