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Two and a Half Men (season 9)

Two and a Half Men (season 9) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I love the show Two and a Half Men (I almost started with, “I love 2 and a Half Men,” but thought that might sound a little weird)….BAK (Before Ashton Kutcher).

The show has been merely mediocre since they fired Charlie Sheen and his winning ways.  However, Two and a Half Men without tiger blood and Adonis DNA is pretty lame.

I don’t fault Ashton, John Cryer, or any of the other host of new (or old) actors on the show.  I fault CBS for deciding to keep the show going and the writers for horrible writing.

The show used to revolve around Charlie and his womanizing and substance abusing ways, which, quite frankly, is not that much different from the actor that portrayed him.

HOWEVER, without Charlie there to provide the punchlines, the show has turned to John Cryer who, while a good actor, does not possess the comedic brilliance of Charlie Sheen.  Or even Ashton Kutcher.

This season has mostly revolved around John Cryer’s character, Alan, doing everything he can to keep living in his brother’s house, which is now owned by Ashton Kutcher’s character, Walden.

The show keeps getting more ridiculous as the writers keep coming up with more and more inane shenanigans to keep Alan living with Walden for free.

I have many, many problems with the show this year.  My first one is this:  Walden is a billionaire who bought Charlie’s house and inexplicably decided to let Alan continue to live there.  What billionaire would do this?  Furthermore, what billionaire would continue to let Alan live there knowing that he’s mooching?

Ashton Kutcher and Jon Cryer at a ceremony for...

Ashton Kutcher and Jon Cryer at a ceremony for Cryer to receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in September 2011. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Alan should have the ability to live on his own.  He’s a chiropractor, for heaven’s sake.  In Los Angeles.  Are you expecting me to believe he isn’t making some good coin?  Early on in the series there were explanations for Alan being perpetually broke.  He was paying alimony and child support to his ex-wife.  Well, his ex-wife is married now.  Jake is almost 18.  Also, he’s been living rent-free for the last 9 years.  How does he NOT have money?

Now, fast forward to the last couple of episodes.  Last week Alan suffered a mild heart attack.  They had Kathy Bates come on and play Charlie’s ghost.  I was prepared to hate that episode for bringing Charlie and a ghost on to the show.  The episode turned out to be fairly good.  I was surprised.  Last night, however, Alan found out that the heart attack was an anomaly and that his heart was in good shape.  He was upset about it because his friends and family have been showering him with love since the heart attack.  So he lies to them all about his health condition, telling everyone it’s “pretty bad.”

Walden’s girlfriend, Zoey, has a PI follow Alan and they obtain evidence that he is in perfect  health and has been lying.  Zoey confronts Alan about it with the entire cast there.  Alan then stupidly tries to fake another heart attack and everyone just walks away.  It’s like they don’t care that he’s been lying to him.  If I were a billionaire with some leech living in my house and found out that he’d been lying to me in order to guilt me into letting him stay there that dude would be gone.

Last night’s show was just an epitome of how lame this show has become.  Months ago Charlie Sheen was quoted as saying the show sucks now.  Asked about it later he said he meant no disrespect to Kutcher or Cryer, but he stood behind his remarks and said that the writers are ruining this show.  I hate to agree with Sheen, but he’s right.  This show is getting quite pathetic, and fault lies with the horrible writing.

LOS ANGELES, CA - JUNE 12: Actor Angus T. Jon...

Angus T Jones. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

Angus T Jones hardly has a role on this show any more.  He has a couple of cameos per show in which he delivers a couple of one-liners.  Even Berta’s role has been reduced.  Alan’s mother has seen her role reduced, although she is now suddenly in a lesbian relationship with Lyndsey’s (Alan’s girlfriend) mother.  I wouldn’t mind that except for the fact that Alan’s mom has been whoring around after men for the entirety of the series.  I suppose it’s possible she’s bi, but that was never mentioned in the show before.

Honestly, Two and a Half Men should have been cancelled after they fired Sheen.  They could have done a spin-off with Kutcher, Cryer, and Jones.  They SHOULD have done a spin-off.  This isn’t the same show as it was last year.  It’s a mostly new cast with an entirely different story line.

I also noticed last night, when I went to the Two and a Half Men Facebook page to complain about how awful last night’s episode was, that many people were complaining about how much of a bitch Zoey (Walden’s girlfriend) is.  Is she?  Is she really?  All the snide comments she makes to Alan for being a pathetic leech are spot on.  Honestly, I cheer a little inside every time she makes a snide comment toward or about Alan.  His character has become quite embarrassing.  It’s not funny at all anymore.

Quit watching the show, I’m sure you’re all thinking.  Well, it’s something to pass the time in between 2 Broke Girls and Mike and Molly, which are two hilarious shows that I love to watch.  It’s easier to just sit through Two and a Half Men than to find something else to do for 30 minutes.

I’ve heard that this show is already signed up for next season.  I seriously hope these guys (the writers) up their game or find a new schtick because the one with Alan lying, conniving, and being pathetic just to have a free place to live has become tiresome and unfunny.

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