Ben Roethlisberger, blog, blogging, bridal train, Burger King, fan violence, funny, Groupon, Humor, Lady Gaga, McDonald, misc, Miscellaneous, musing, New Zealand, News, piers morgan, random, random thoughs, Robert Pattinson, russian soccer, satire, Scooter Store, self indulgence, thoughts
- Apparently Robert Pattinson hates being called R-Patz. Well, Robert, if you could act or choose wiser roles to accept the rest of us might care.
- A financially destitute school district in Michigan, not content just to cut jobs, is now going to cut (or try to) down 55 trees on its propertyand sell the wood for an estimated $43,000 to help fill the $800,000 hole in its budget. The community is outraged and wants to save the trees. Superintendent John Deiter understands their frustration, but wonders why no outraged people called him last year when he had to cut jobs. I want to disagree with his response so badly, but he has a point. How can people get so worked up over some trees and not the loss of jobs? Not just any jobs, but jobs that shape the future of our country. Cutting the amount of teachers a school has doesn’t also reduce the amount of students attending the school.Ultimately, I don’t think cutting down the trees is a good idea. It will hardly make a dent in their deficit and, honestly, is killing more trees really ever a good idea?
- A two-mile long bridal train? What an idiotically grotesque display of self-indulgence. How do you even walk with two miles of silk attached to your head? What a dumb fucking idea this was.
- McDonald’s top chef claims that he sees nothing unhealthy on the McDonald’s menu. In completely unrelated news, the top chef is also blind.Daniel Coudreaut, the top chef in question, says he takes his kids to McDonald’s once a week. Also in unrelated news, they all have to go there in their scooters from the Scooter Store as they will not fit in the family Accord.
- Polish and Russian soccer (or fútbol as it is known over there) clashed in Warsaw before a game between the two national teams. Look, I get it. You guys are patriotic and love your teams…but it’s just a fucking game. Fan violence always baffles me because it’s so pointless. No matter who wins whatever game is being played it doesn’t affect your life one way or the other. Life goes on. You still get up and go to work the next day. You still have your family and friends. There’s no need to attack anybody. Good God, people are stupid.
- Lady Gaga (ugh…) sustained a concussion recently while performing in New Zealand when a back up dancer “accidentally” hit her with a set prop that was being removed from the stage. I would like to congratulate this dancer for his/her successful strike against a chronic noise polluter, and hope that this success can be duplicated if Lady Gaga attempts to pollute public air waves again.
- What kind of loser posts a plea for a date on Twitter? Well, Gio Gonzalez apparently. The Washington Nationals’ multi-millionaire pitcher posted a desperate tweet the other day looking for a date to a “gala”. Oh well, it’s classier than what Ben Roethlisberger would do.
- Are an expecting parent? Are you also having trouble coming up with a name for your brewing bundle of joy? Fear not, consumer. Groupon has you covered. For a mere $1000, Groupon will hand-pick an original name for your debt-magnifier, and even choose the spelling of that name for you.Just so you understand, you’re paying Groupon for this undeniably indispensible service, not the other way around. Too bad this offer wasn’t around when my children were born. I could have Clembough, Clembough the Second, and Clembough the Third running around my house instead of Baby A, Baby B, and Baby C. I somehow feel like a failure as a father now.
- Do you have strange cravings? Are you one of those rare people who enjoys bacon and ice cream? At the same time? Never fear. Burger King has you covered. Burger King has introduced a bacon sundae (EDITOR’S NOTE: WordPress attempted to change sundae to Sunday, because apparently the words bacon and sundae should not go together), and it will contain 510 calories, 18 grams of fat, 61 grams of sugar, and 100% pure deliciousness. “McFlurry my ass,” a BK spokesman was quoted as saying.
- In a recent phone interview with Piers Morgan on CNN, it was revealed by Casey Anthony and her attorney that Anthony has really been into the Hunger Games trilogy. Morgan tried to insinuate, well, something, by pointing out that the Hunger Games were about killing children. Look, there’s a lot of things to be said about this idiot and a lot of judgements that can be made by her actions, but reading the Hunger Games isn’t one of those things. Everyone is reading the Hunger Games and watching the damned movie. Move along, Morgan, there’s nothing to see here.
- The KKK has applied to adopt a mile-long section of highway in Georgia and they don’t understand why people have a problem with it. I mean, why should anyone have anything against an organization with a long history of violence and hatred? Get over yourselves, people.
- Some guy hitchhiking across the country while writing a memoir entitled “Kindness in American” was shot in Montana by a man he thought was offering him a ride. The irony here is hilarious. In all seriousness, though, I hope the victim makes a full recovery. The idiot who shot him has been caught and arrested.
- Middleborough, Massachusetts has just passed a law that allows police to cite citizens with $20 fines for swearing in public. This is a gross fucking violation of my fucking free-speech rights. Fuck.
- Floyd Mayweather’s attorney is crying and whining because the jail he is currently in “may cause, not just huge financial harm to Mr. Mayweather, but also huge emotional harm if he is no longer able to pursue his boxing career because of the deconditioning he has suffered.” Perhaps Floyd should have thought about that before breaking the law, huh? No sympathy here.