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Would You Marry A Porn Star??? | The KiddChris Show – 102.7 WEBN.

Porn Star

So I was scrolling through my newsfeed this morning on Facebook when I came across the link above.

My curiosity piqued (no explanation needed, I hope), I clicked on the link.  The story states that a survey taken recently says that 86% of men would be willing to date a porn star and that 61% would be willing to marry one.

http://ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i52/5/6/17/frabz-dafuq-93bd40.jpg

Really?

I’m sure it would be freakin’ awesome to be able to tell all of your buddies that you’re banging a porn star, but that would be the only pro I can think of in this situation.

Is there anyone here who hasn’t seen porn before?  You in the back?  You’re lying.

Ok, since we’ve established that we’ve all seen porn before let’s get to all the reasons why 86% of  men polled (did you see what I did there?) are idiots and 61% are even bigger idiots.

Reason #1.  You will never be able to satisfy her in bed.  As much as the average guy wants to think he’s Casanova in bed, let’s face it…you’re probably not.  These women have sex for a living.  You know how quickly she’d become bored with what you’re doing?  That’s right, before you even start.  You aren’t going to be able to do anything to her that hasn’t been done to her before.  By a coworker.

That's right. She'll be thinking of all the ways you're inadequate.

That’s right. She’ll be thinking of all the ways you’re inadequate.

Reason #2.  Have you seen how big the schlongs are in those movies?  Do you know what that does to a vagina when repeatedly crammed in and out?  I don’t either, but I can only fathom a one word answer to that question.  Stretching.  That means that she has a hole you’ll never be able to fill.  Probably two.  And that, my friends, leads you back to reason #1.

http://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2008/9/24/128667888433048990.jpg

Reason #3.  It has always been man’s mission to go where no man has been before.  It has never been man’s mission to go where damn near every man has been before.  Moreover, I’m sure, dearest reader, that you’re familiar with the saying that when you kiss someone you’re kissing every other person that particular person has kissed.  Can you just imagine how much male genitalia has been inside a porn star’s mouth?  I’m not ready to hazard a guess, but whatever the true answer is I’m sure I can’t count that high.

See?

See?

Reason #4.  I seriously doubt she’s going to stop working just because you’re dating her or married to her.  Is your manly ego going to be able handle her banging multiple guys?  At the same time?  5 days a week if not more?  No, it isn’t.  Unless you’re a male porn star, which, let’s face it, you’re not.

Let's face it. You're no Johnny Bravo so your ego is unfounded.

Accept it. You’re no Johnny Bravo so your ego is unfounded.

Reason #5.  As I stated earlier, it might be cool to be able to tell you buddies that you’re doing the mattress mambo with a porn star, but would you really tell your parents that?  Depending on who your father is, you might get a high-five or you might get bitch-slapped with a bible.  No matter who your mom is she won’t be impressed.  Or, you could have to tell a parent like this guy.

Red Forman

Reason #6.  Sexually Transmitted Diseases.  Porn stars get them despite what precautions they take.  You may get the clap and it won’t be applause.

No, not that kind of clap.

No, not that kind of clap.

Needless to say, any man with aspirations of dating a porn star is either delusional, stupid, or both.  There are no good reasons to even consider doing so.  It’s definitely a case where it’s better to look than to touch.