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What is your worst quality?

This is a tough one.  Not because I can’t think of one, but because I can’t think of which one is actually the worst.  We’ll call it a tie, I guess.  There is no clear-cut winner here.

Hello, my name is Twindaddy. And I’m impatient.

I have absolutely no patience.  When I want something I want it now.  I cannot wait.  I don’t know how to wait.  For example, my regular readers (all two of you !) know that my wife and I are living separately now in an attempt to get our finances straightened out before we get our own place again.  This is absolutely killing me.  I can’t stand being apart from my wife on a daily basis and I can’t stand the wait while we try to get things back in order so we can resume our life together.  Luckily I have plenty of other things going on to distract me from thinking about this 24/7, but occasionally the impatience overwhelms me and I just sit there and fret.

I also have no patience for people, which unfortunately sometimes extends to my wife and kids.  Especially the twins.  They are at an age now where they have all kinds of questions that I don’t necessarily have the patience to answer.  And it’s really, really maddening to me when I sit back and reflect on it.  They are innocent questions and asking questions is how you learn.  I have no idea why I get so agitated when they ask me questions.  Sometimes, yes, the questions are stupid (hey, kids ask stupid questions sometimes), but a majority of the time they are innocent questions.  And it irks me for reasons beyond my comprehension.

Thankfully, I’ve realized in the last few months what I’ve been doing and I’ve been getting much better at it with the help of medication and being conscious of how I react to things.  Every once in a while I still get in a mood where the things they do just drive me mad, and they shouldn’t, but those times are few and far between now compared to just a few months ago.  Hopefully they’ll disappear entirely.  Soon.

I’m always right.  At least, in my own little world that I live in.  This, too, has always been a problem with me that has gradually lessened over time.  I used to think my way was the only way.  That if you liked something I didn’t then you were an idiot.  That if you listened to music I didn’t like you sucked.  And so did your music.  And if you had an answer that was different from mine you were most definitely wrong.  If you had a source to prove you were correct I questioned the integrity of your source, no matter how credible it was.  You were going to lose no matter what facts you threw at me.  I would deflect your facts with exuberant pride like a Jedi would deflect blaster bolts with a lightsaber.

I’ve largely outgrown that mentality.  Except during an argument.  In the heat of an argument, when the dark side anger consumes me, I always, ALWAYS, have to be right.  Even if I know I’m wrong.  Pride comes with anger and during those moments I’m not able to admit that I’m wrong or that I’ve made a mistake.  Luckily, when I calm down and I’m able to think and see things rationally I come to my senses and act like a normally human being who can admit that they made a mistake.  Most of the time.

So there you have it.  A two-way tie for my worst quality.  They are neck and neck at the finish line.  Even a photo-finish couldn’t determine the winner.  They are equally the worst.

What is your worst quality?

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