Tags
blog, blogging, C-3PO, Darth Vader, Empire, fan faction, Fan Fiction, fiction, jabba the hutt, List of Star Wars characters, Mos Eisley, Mos Eisley Cantina, r2 d2, short story, Speeder, Star Wars, star wars fan fiction, StarWars, Stormtrooper, Tatooine, Writing
You are not going to believe what happened today, Journal.
When last we spoke I had just been deployed to Tatooine in search of two missing droids. I still have no idea why these droids are so vitally important, but my job is not to ask. It’s to obey orders.
These two droids, if you recall journal.
In that vein, my Captain, myself, and a few other troopers were stationed at a checkpoint not far from the Mos Eisley Cantina today when a beat-up old speeder pulled up to our checkpoint. And sitting on the back of this speeder were the two droids we were looking for. At least, they sure looked like the droids we were looking for. What were the odds of two other droids of the same colors being together? I was ecstatic. We had found the droids and were going to get off of this barren, forsaken wasteland. What a desolate, idiotic planet this is.
Off-topic tangent: Do you know they farm water here? Why the hell would you live on a planet where you have to grow your own water? How stupid.
Anyway, so the speeder pulls up to the checkpoint. The captain stops them and starts asking them questions about the droids. There was an old man in a dilapidated old robe and a young kid with blonde hair and farmer’s attire in the speeder. The old man answered the questions and at one point told the captain, “They’re not for sale if you want them.”
I almost broke into hysterics when he said that. The guy was a good actor, I’d give him that.
But then, something strange happened. The old man subtly waved his hand and told the captain that those weren’t the droids we were looking for and to move along.
Nice try nerfherder, I thought.
But then the unthinkable happened. My captain agreed. ”These aren’t the droids we’re looking for,” he announced to us. He then motioned to the young man driving the speeder and commanded him to move along.
My captain is a complete imbecile.
I couldn’t believe it. If not for my helmet my jaw would’ve emphatically dropped to the sand. The worse part about it was that my captain did this. It’s not like I can just berate the man for being a complete idiot. I was livid, but I just about chopped my tongue in half when I bit it to keep myself from going off on this fool.
That wasn’t even the worst part. A short time later we were sent to docking bay 94. We had received a tip that the droids had been seen heading that way. So we all busted tail over there.
When we got there the droids were already on board a decrepid CEC YT-1300. There was a lone man by the boarding ramp when we busted into the docking bay. We exchanged fire with him but he quickly escaped up the ramp into the ship and then it blasted out of the bay. With the droids on it. The droids we were looking for.
I’ll probably be permanently stationed here now because of my incompetent and idiotic captain. I hope he gets slaughtered by sand people on our next patrol.
Today sucked, journal. It was probably one of the worst days of my life.
Drun Kenman, signing out.
Related articles
But at least you can always farm water. Or clean droids that are not the droids you are looking for.
That’s probably better than whatever punishment we’ll face because my captain is an idiot.
Oh my gosh! I love it. This was such a great post. I’m forwarding this to my son-you know, the one who got the gingerbread R2D2 for his birthday. Excellent work, my friend. Love your new header photo too.
Why, thank you. That means a lot coming from you.
Well, it’s just plain brilliant, that’s all there is to it.
Thank you.
Stuph Blog (that’s not even your real name),
Do droids have electric dream? Was that question was ever addressed AND answer. What would Number Six say to that?
Le Clown
Le Clown,
It appears you were drunk on your own Magnificence™ when you left me this Magnificent™ comment, as I have no idea what the fuck you are asking me. But thank you kindly for visiting my blog.
Twindaddy.
Le Clown : great reference to Philip K Dick.
I’ll have to Google this later.
If I had to grow my own water I would die very quickly. Just saying.
I know, right?
Came here via the Cheeky highway, so glad she pointed out your blog! I loved seeing the Empire through the eyes of hapless Stormtrooper Kenman. The Force is definitely evading that one!
Thank you!
Hysterical post! Still grinning.
Thank you for reading!
I’ve never been to Tatooine, but I have been to Tathreeine. You can have that one for free.
That’s too clever for most people to comprehend. I, of course, am duly impressed by your wit.
Just wait til you hear the one about Luke Toadwalker who had star warts!
I hope nobody kissed him.
Missed this going through the emails. Management can suck. This proves it once again trooper.
You’re one clever blogger, my Imperial friend! This was BRILLIANT!
Why, thank you, The Hook! That means a lot coming from the best blogger I’ve never heard of. Hey, who are you?
I’m so sure anymore…
That was sarcasm. I’ve heard of you. You were one of my first real followers!
You’ve earned my devotion, buddy!
Woohoo for no handouts!!!
Pingback: Interview with a Stormtrooper | Stuphblog
So THAT’S what happened. I love it! Poor guy. Who hasn’t worked for a moron at least once?
The moron who’s in charge, I’m guessing.
True. I’m sure the Jedi mind trick would have worked on my last boss. Gawd, she was stupid.
Almost every boss I’ve ever had has been.
Pingback: Stormtrooper in Wonderland – Part 1 « aliceatwonderland
That was funny! I write stories as well, but maybe not as interesting or entertaining as this. Thumbs up!
Thanks!