In a humbling turn of events, I find that I require your assistance. Back in July I started a feature unoriginally dubbed Twindaddy: Blunt Life Coach™. I only posted two entries into this series before my hiatus and I’ve been really wanting to get back to it because, hey, being an asshole is fun.
For my first two posts I pilfered questions from Dear Abby™, but I’d like not to have to do that any longer. So I have a favor to ask of you, dearest reader, please submit your own questions for Blunt Life Coach™ so that he may answer them brutally, honestly, and hilariously. Or attempt to do so.
So, please, dearest reader, assist me with my feeble attempts to be funny. And stuph.
And here are the lyrics if you need them:
http://www.songlyrics.com/red-elvises/drinking-with-jesus-lyrics/
Um, this is the first comment on this post, so I have no idea what you’re talking about, dearest Rutabaga. But kudos for confusing me.
you asked for questions – I sent a video link to questions – then a comment about the lyrics to the video.
I saw the email after I saw the comment. You still get kudos for confusing me.
I’ll take them – I’m just getting all sorts of shit elsewhere today.
I apologize, then. What can I do to cheer your mercenariness up?
This will do just fine!
Kudos it is, then! Bask in all the glory that comes with having Unshitty™ Kudos bestowed upon you!!
LOVE IT – and I gave you a video as per some instruction at some point in the past that may not be related to the post at this time – but I was following some request of another… see – I’m always wenchy.
Where’d the mercenary go that follows her own rules? Where’d THAT badass go? She was just here on Tuesday…
She was made to feel really bad by some StormTrooper… she’s actually just bluster…
A stormtrooper, you say? One of my brethren. I’ll kick his ass.
Do it!
YEAH! DO IT!! *punches self in the face*
hee hee
absolved
Woo hoo!!
I’m pretty easy to work with.
I’ll file that away for later use.
Uh-huh
You’ll see.
You’ll see or you’ll regret?
Yes.
Do I have to call in some Star Wars character that I can’t think of right now to wail on your tail?
Wait…are we arguing again?
It’s quite possible – I’m cantankerous at times. I think we’re just bickering – I wouldn’t actually plow you down or anything.. unless we were playing hockey and I was chasing you down with my stick…
Well that won’t happen. I don’t do hockey…
You don’t have to – just stand there and I’ll knock you down. I’m only 5’4″ – it’s not like I’m gigantor…little but sturdy.
Um, soooo…you want me to stand there and let you bowl me over?
Pretty much.
What kind of a stormtrooper ARE you?
You wait for people to ask that question, right?
LMAO. I actually just found that.
Uh-huh….
Don’t make me go all badass stormtrooper on you.
Just try boyo…..
I will. There is no try.
hee hee… peace, peace…it’s time to put my kid to bed…
Ha ha ha. Quit neglecting your kid!!!
He’s watching Loony Tunes- and it will be a struggle to get him to brush his teeth…
So you’re WP arguing with me instead? Fail.
Epic fail… I said “Dorian – it’s time to brush your teeth!” – he replied, “Mom, I haven’t had dessert” — I had no defense – so he’s stuffing himself with stocking candy and then we’ll get some teeth brushing action.
Eh, I tell me too bad. They should have thought about that before bed time. Pushover.
I have a 10 year old that wants to go to sleep btwn 8-8:30PM … I don’t argue too much with that….
I’m a complete marshmallow.
Hahahaha,
I’ll send him to you – he’s got wit and retorts that a lawyer would envy.
Woo hoo! I love witty retorts.
He’s got ‘em! He’ll show you his ‘raft’…(wrath).
He’s too young to have wrath.
Not according to him
Well, of course HE would think that.
FEEL HIS RAFT!
Yeah, that just doesn’t sound right.
It’s easier on your ego if you just stand there rather than being chased down and mauled by a pipsqueak girl.
Something weird is happening because I commented w a question: when is an apology in order?
It emails me…lol. It’s not a comment form.
OK. So I am still sick. And even more confused…
Haha. Silly lady.
Rutabaga, twindaddy – get a room!
Uh oh. Looks like someone’s jealous.
Feel free to jump in. There’s enough room for everybody!
Woot! Par-tay! Rutabaga and I will bring some helpful literature along.
Literature? Shit, can’t we just wing it?
How would we know how to tie each other up properly? Also, there’s the goat.
Hey, just because I live in Kentucky doesn’t mean I’m into all the shit they do here. Check the goat at the door.
Leave room for the holy ghost.
Hmmm….I don’t know about that. He may not approve.
Can I come too?
My literature will involve the Kama Sutra. And I’m pretty much naked all day anyway.
That’s right! You come from the land of Kama Sutra! You can definitely, uh, come.
Hehe
Blunt Life Coach has email. I’m sure the response will be hilarious. Parts were not changed to protect the innocent.
Uh oh. Now I’m afraid to check my email.
LOL..I’m glad you draw the line at animals…I say as I continue to back away.
Hey, I have standards. And your backing away is NOT appreciated.
Ok. I’ve stopped backing away knowing that animals will not be involved. Does the coach have any advice for the query posed to his inbox?
Oh, yes. My inbox is flooded and I will be posting a couple questions at a time per post as to make them last for a few posts. Since you’re so eager for yours, though, I shall endeavor to answer it tomorrow. For now, rest I must. I’m currently propping my eyes open with toothpicks and they’ve pierced my eyelids and my eyes are starting to fill up with blood and everything is turning red. Ugh.
Saw 49 odd comments and thought holy Shit…coach is awesome….now after reading the jump in there is room for everyone comment, I’m backing away slowly from the orgy til I can make a clean break, and now afraid of coach.
LMAO. Hey, the bigger the orgy the better. Come on in, the water’s fine!!
And sent!
How could you have an orgy without me?!
It was quite spontaneous. I certainly wouldn’t plan one without you.
Twin Daddy,
You will enjoy my new column with Madame Weebles. That’s all I will say.
Le Clown
Le Clown,
Well the vulgarities be plentiful?
Twindaddy
Twin Daddy,
I might say “Paul Ryan” or “Richard Mourdock” once or twice, yes.
Le Clown
Le Clown,
I am intrigued. I will definitely be on the lookout for this new feature. Thank you for giving my life new purpose.
Twindaddy