For years, my beautiful wife has told me she suffers from RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). When she first told me this, I accused her, not so eloquently, of making it up. I had never heard of such a thing and, quite frankly, couldn’t imagine a disease or medical condition which consisted solely of the inability to keep one’s legs still. My wife explained to me that because her legs would not stop moving it kept her from sleeping.
Sometime later, we were watching TV and a commercial for a medicine to treat RLS come on the tube. My wife, rightfully, slapped me upside the back of the head and yelled, “See?”
Yeah, I saw, but I still didn’t really believe. And to some degree, I still didn’t really think this was an actual thing. This, of course, all happened prior to our trials last year. I’ve had a much more open mind since then, but this particular issue hasn’t really come up.
It has now. And now I believe.
Last night, as my wife and I lay in bed, her feet found mine under the covers. Awwwww, I remember thinking, she want’s to play footsie. A second later searing pain raced throughout my nervous system, telling my brain…
My wife had kicked and stabbed me with her big toe nail. What the hell??
I had cried out when she did this, but there was no response. Surely she wasn’t ignoring me. She wouldn’t ever….yeah she would. I turned to ask her what the hell she did that for only to find that she was asleep. And her legs were still moving.
So I moved my legs closer to the edge of the bed – and further away from her. Her feet found me again a handful of minutes later. And began to kick me. Again.
So I moved my legs, once again, closer to the edge of the bed. Her feet found my legs once again and, yes, began to kick me again.
I gave up. I didn’t want to wake her up since she’s been having so much trouble sleeping since her surgery, so I just let it go. Although I do wonder if she was feigning sleep just so she could kick me without consequence. That would be just like her….
Needless to say, I no longer doubt that RLS exists. It is real. It is deadly. I was in perilous danger last night, but somehow survived the RLS-induced onslaught, but only barely.
Dearest readers, if a loved one ever tells you that he or she has RLS, take them at their word. This is no condition to trifle with. Better safe than sorry. Try these things to protect yourself.
- Wear shin guards to bed.
- Get a bed divider. That way you won’t get kicked unexpectedly in the middle of the night. Bonus bonus – your partner can’t invade your space.
- Invest in some rope. Or duct tape. Or bungee cords. Something strong enough to bind legs together. And then bind the binded legs to a bed post to restrict movement.
Please, dearest reader, take the appropriate steps to protect yourself from this painful and horrible phenomenon (enom enom). Don’t find out the hard way like your’s truly did. Learn from my fail.