Boy, somebody over at the Daily Post has been coming up with some grim prompts as of late. Write your own obituary. Write your own eulogy. Would you resort to cannibalism? And now, your house in on fire. Geez…
Well, it’s nice to know that my family and pets are all accounted for, because in all honesty those are the things that can’t ever be replaced. So I guess I have to pick from my most prized possessions, which will make me look extremely materialistic. Oh, well. I’m already vainglorious. I might as well be materialistic to boot.
And so here, in no particular order whatsoever, are the 5 things I would grab were my house on fire in the unlikely scenario that my wife, kids, and dog had already escaped before me.
- My external hard drive. It has all of my pictures and home videos saved on it. I have a majority of my pictures backed up online, but not all of them. And none of my home videos are. I already have trouble remembering when the twins were little babies. I’d hate to lose what videos I have of them from age 6 and up.
- My smart phone. Without that, how would I update Facebook, Twitter, and WordPress to let everyone know that my house is on fire? I mean, people need to know about this stuph™, right? I need to take pictures, upload them, and attempt to goad people into feeling sorry for me and leave me copious amounts of comments so my existence feels justified. Isn’t that how everything works today?
- My wallet. Without my bank card I’d have no way to get my Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino from Starbucks. Mmmmm….deliciousness in a cup.
- My armor. It’s nearly impossible to look bad ass without my armor.
- Blunt Life Coach™. Even though he’s another personality in my demented cranium, I still feel like I sometimes leave him behind. He’s not always with me, and I sometimes get the feeling that it’s intentional. I don’t know how much he really likes me, but I feel incomplete without him. I’d hate to lose him in a fire. Who would answer all of those questions then?
See? Don’t you get the feeling he doesn’t like me much? I just don’t get it.
So there you have it, Stuph Mafia™. Those are the five things I’d definitely go back and grab assuming my family and dog were safely out of the hizzy (I’m so hip I amaze myself sometimes) and I had adequate time to even ponder this quandary before fleeing my burning home. What a grim thing to ponder.
- I replied to a comment on my page and WordPress notified me that I commented. Um, I think I know what I just did WordPress, thank you.
- Blacked out for a minute only to come back and find that BLC™ had contributed to my post. I hate it when he does that.
- I just replied to another comment and it did it again. WordPress must think I’m incredibly stupid.