Boy, somebody over at the Daily Post has been coming up with some grim prompts as of late. Write your own obituary. Write your own eulogy. Would you resort to cannibalism? And now, your house in on fire. Geez…
Your home is on fire. Grab five items (assume all people and animals are safe). What did you grab?
Well, it’s nice to know that my family and pets are all accounted for, because in all honesty those are the things that can’t ever be replaced. So I guess I have to pick from my most prized possessions, which will make me look extremely materialistic. Oh, well. I’m already vainglorious. I might as well be materialistic to boot.
And so here, in no particular order whatsoever, are the 5 things I would grab were my house on fire in the unlikely scenario that my wife, kids, and dog had already escaped before me.
- My external hard drive. It has all of my pictures and home videos saved on it. I have a majority of my pictures backed up online, but not all of them. And none of my home videos are. I already have trouble remembering when the twins were little babies. I’d hate to lose what videos I have of them from age 6 and up.
- My smart phone. Without that, how would I update Facebook, Twitter, and WordPress to let everyone know that my house is on fire? I mean, people need to know about this stuph™, right? I need to take pictures, upload them, and attempt to goad people into feeling sorry for me and leave me copious amounts of comments so my existence feels justified. Isn’t that how everything works today?
- My wallet. Without my bank card I’d have no way to get my Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino from Starbucks. Mmmmm….deliciousness in a cup.
- My armor. It’s nearly impossible to look bad ass without my armor.
See?
- Blunt Life Coach™. Even though he’s another personality in my demented cranium, I still feel like I sometimes leave him behind. He’s not always with me, and I sometimes get the feeling that it’s intentional. I don’t know how much he really likes me, but I feel incomplete without him. I’d hate to lose him in a fire. Who would answer all of those questions then?
Shut up, asshole. I’ve been trying to get outta here for years.
See? Don’t you get the feeling he doesn’t like me much? I just don’t get it.
So there you have it, Stuph Mafia™. Those are the five things I’d definitely go back and grab assuming my family and dog were safely out of the hizzy (I’m so hip I amaze myself sometimes) and I had adequate time to even ponder this quandary before fleeing my burning home. What a grim thing to ponder.
Outtakes
- I replied to a comment on my page and WordPress notified me that I commented. Um, I think I know what I just did WordPress, thank you.
- Blacked out for a minute only to come back and find that BLC™ had contributed to my post. I hate it when he does that.
- I just replied to another comment and it did it again. WordPress must think I’m incredibly stupid.
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What a cozy picture I just had in my head of you in your armour, with your arm around the misses & kids, sipping a Double Chocolate Chip Mint Frap,,,,,and you saluting the burning house whilst taken pics of the kids standing in front.
I’d totally vote you for Prez for sure then!
Our house, our house, our house is burning down.
I’m with this fellow Canadian Lady.
I also think that imagery is badass.
It would also be great that your presidency run emerged from to Canadian Lass’ suggestion on WordPress. I’m pretty sure the dark lord would high five you though there is the slight possibility he might get you in that death grip of his.
HA! What am I saying…. he’s dead. Joke’s on him!! bwahhahahaaa
OMG
TWO!!
TWO!!
TWO!!!
I can’t believe I did that.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me.
Gotta love ze internets and public commenting!
*face palm*
Ahahahahahaahahaha
Eh, his ghost is still around somewhere and can still use the force.
See another awesome Canadian Chick! I just followed ur blog,,,look forward to you casting ur vote for my Sugar Daddy,,ooopsss meant Twin Daddy (once again sorry Mrs. Twinn). That woman’s gonna come up here and kick my ass one day,,
Don’t sugar daddies have money?
Aren’t all you Merican’s rich??
Wait stupid question,,,I was married to one,,and he took all my shit.
That reminds me,,,I need to write a post how I got back at him by blowing up the car,,,hmmmm,,
Oh, wow. You stay on your side of the border and I’ll stay on mine.
He started it.
No matter. I have no desire to have my car blown up for some trivial offense I might accidentally commit.
Don’t want to make you feel bad at all by this comment before I say it. So promise to not feel bad.
But he beat me. So it wasn’t a trivial offense and it wasn’t accidental.
His loss he lost the best thing that ever happened to him,,
Ugh.
First of all, I’m sorry that happened to you. Second of all, and this isn’t directed at you, but why the fuck to guys beat women!! What the fuck? What does it prove? What does it accomplish? I just don’t get it.
That they are dicks,,lol
I guess. I don’t know. I just don’t know how you can do that to someone you allegedly love. And on the flip side, I don’t know why a majority of women stay with the assholes that do that to them.
Fear I guess.
For the record he only did it once,,then this chick said Hasta Las Vista Asswhole
Good for you. Nobody deserves that.
(I had a brain fart….must be the cold weather…)
*insert clever, witty and fabulous remark here*
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Only I get to have witty, clever, and/or fabulous remarks on THIS blog, sister.
Where the heck r u in Canada gurl? It’s gonna be a balmy
+17 here today in Barrie, ON (we allready broke the record at +12), off course in true Canuck weather style it will rapidly fall to -7 within the next 7hrs and flash freeze just as I leave from work tonight,,,and snow about a million feet before school in the morning!
I am currently freezing my lady-balls off in Hell-berta
:)
Where we love cows, big trucks and plastic testicles hanging from ‘em.
Today isn’t so bad. Yesterday was bloody cold though.
Not a complaint, just a statement
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Now all I need is your address and I know what to take for ransom.
I would comply, but Blunt Life Coach™ is glaring at me menacingly. I don’t think I should.
He’s got a pretty scary gun, so it’s unlikely I’d succeed.
Yeah, I’m scared.
nice one! your entry is the most entertaining so far – especially with all the animated pictures !
Why thank you kindly, madam!
I read recently that a godd survival bag should also include a recent backup dvd of photos.
Interesting. Mine are all (except for those taken in the last month or so) backed up online. I need to get my home videos up there, too, somehow.
Is the armor fireproof? Based on my knowledge of Star Wars movies, I’d say no, but if you have some sort of special upgrade, I’d put that first on the list and buy yourself time to get even more items.
As for this:
I replied to a comment on my page and WordPress notified me that I commented. Um, I think I know what I just did WordPress, thank you.
I feel the same way. Is WordPress assuming that we’re stupid? Or just really forgetful?
It’s been doing it all day. I will get notified of this comment the moment I click on the Reply button. How idiotic.
Oh, and no it’s not fire proof, hence why I would go back and grab it. Kind of dumb, huh?
Those are incredibly morose topics. How about reversing it — what would be the most important things you’d put in a special box to carry along in the car when you’re moving (not that I have any experience at all with moving more than 329 times ….)
Hmm…that’s a better one. And I bet I’ve moved more than you.
Could be. I plan to be buried here in my back yard though just so I don’t ever have to do it again!
Well, I’ll hafta move at least one more time. I’m hoping that’s it, though.
And hopefully that one will be soon!
No kidding.
As I read your list I was thinking about what I would grab in this scenario. It turns out this is harder than it seems. Of course if we were to count family I would have four things right there, my wallet would be the fifth. Since that is not the case it makes it tough. By the way the first thing that came to mind when I saw the abbreviation BLC™ I got a craving for a sandwich. Why? well maybe because it is close to BLT, or maybe I just like bologna lobster and crouton sandwiches, I guess we will never really know.
That sandwich sounds so odd that it’s probably good.
WP is doing that to me too! Aliceatwonderland has commented on your blog! Did she really? How many freaking personalities do I have anyway? They could have at least been creative and said Sad Pony commented on your blog. Except that might be a little scary.
Of course you would have to take the armor. Otherwise you’d be nekkid and people would laugh while your house burned down, unless they were too busy cause they were writing your eulogy and or planning to eat your burned corpse.
See how grim? And just what are you implying about my nekkidness?
A Nekkid Sexy Storm Trooper! Can there be anything better?
Probably not.
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I thought you would be wearing your armor and grabbing your beloved collection of all things Star Wars…..hmmmmm.
Those are replaceable.
What about the furry Yoda stuffed doll you secretly hide under you pillow?
He’s in storage right now.
You too!? WordPress has told me all day that I’ve replied to comments on my blogs. I need to beat it with these fish sitting around for just that point.
It’s still doing it. ARRRGHH!
I’ve given up. It won’t stop. I feel as if I”m back in school. In kindergarten again.
This is stupid.
It makes me want to keep posting so that things keep appearing and making me feel special that someone might like me.
I’ve been bitching at them on Twitter, but they don’t care. They betta recognize.
Use your blaster!
I’ll bust a laser in someone’s ass! Doesn’t have quite the same ring, but you get the picture.
It stings a bit more.
I’m using the annoying time to decide where I’m taking Mummy.
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My wristlet and work laptop. Thaw rest can burn.
Wristlet?
First of all, I love your new animated banners! And I’m never getting over your Sexy Stormtrooper victory dance. It’s the best, second only to air humping
WordPress is doing that to me too! Yes, thank you, WordPress. I know that I commented on my own post! Did you think I forgot after exactly one second?
I know! Like we’re all retarded or something.
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