[Editor's Note: Today's guest post comes to you from Wonderland. Or the rabbit hole. Or perhaps both. Isn't Wonderland inside the rabbit hole? So it's both. Wow. I'm glad we have that settled.
Moving onward and forward (redundant?), my guest today is none other than AliceAtWonderland. She has been Freshly Pressed, has a huge following, and (like me) has multiple personalities. Yay for crowded heads!
Side note: Thank you, Alice, for lowering your standards long enough to grace my humble blog with your words and presence.
I was subjected to an interview by Thing Two, Alice's Star Wars loving 8-year old daughter. As usual, I humbly request that once you're done reading my guest's post that you jump over to my guest's blog and click on the follow button. Enjoy!]
My eight-year-old daughter, Thing Two, is a Star Wars fanatic. She had some questions for everyone’s favorite storm trooper. He was kind enough to grant her an interview.
1. Why is your aim so bad?
My aim is so bad simply because . . . helmet. These things impair our vision horribly. If they would let us take them off then we’d actually be able to see what we’re shooting at. Plus, we’re disposable to them. Nice, huh?
2. Why do you always wait for the last second to shoot?
Um, well . . . hmmmmm. Poor training provided by the Empire? I’m not sure. Perhaps I need to play more video games to improve my skills. When is a better time to shoot?
You weren’t by any chance referring to billiards, were you?
3. Are you called storm troopers because you storm into the room?
Yes. That is exactly why. Nothing strikes terror into the heart of a rebel like seeing the stark-white armor of dozens of troopers come pouring into a room. They lose heart quickly, and then start crying for their mommies.
Wouldn’t you cry if you saw this burst through your door?
4. What happens when you toot in your armor?
Ever heard the expression “Dutch oven?” It’s not pretty. I try to hold it as long as I can. I’ll leave it up to your mother as to whether or not she wants you to know what a Dutch oven is.
This is a worst-case scenario.
5. How much money does the Emperor pay you?
Enough credits to live on. I have a modest apartment on Coruscant that’s lightly decorated and located away from the seedier parts of the planet. I’m not sure why, though. I’m never there. I’m always on deployment. In fact, I’m on Tatooine currently looking for two droids. I probably wasn’t supposed to tell you that, but it doesn’t matter because we can’t find them. I have no idea why we can’t just buy some droids from a reputable dealer on Bothawui or some other high-tech planet.
Thing Two was thrilled to have gotten such an exclusive interview! Now we’ll have to see how the trooper does on a mission to Wonderland.
Alice
Please check out Alice’s other work!!
- 50 Shades Flunked Lesson Fourteen
- THE ONE WITH THE BILINGUAL DRAGONS
- 50 Shades of Grey Recaps
- Exercise Videos: The Good, the Bad, and the OMG Part One
Reblogged this on aliceatwonderland and commented:
Hi All! I am guest blogging today on Stuphblog! Thing Two has an exclusive interview with everyone’s favorite storm trooper, twindaddy! Go check it out and all his other great posts.
Haha! Loved getting a peek in Stormtrooper’s mind. The first question was awesome…well actually they all were. Thank you, Thing Two and Stormtrooper. Oh I’m curious about the trip to Wonderland!!
Me, too! I have to get working on it!
I think he will have an interesting trip. And I do mean trip.
I guess that means I only get to go once. Geez, I didn’t even get a chance to wear out my welcome before being banned.
I meant trip as in trippin’. You can come anytime you want.
Perhaps I shall.
I can’t wait! Down the Rabbit’s Hole we go!! Well, Twindaddy I mean.
I hope Thing Two enjoyed the interview. I had fun doing it!
She loved it! There was clapping and bouncing involved.
Haha! Awesome! Glad she liked it.
That was an awesome interview!! (especially the Dutch oven and photo following!!) Great way to start a day.
I have all kinds of personality. I’ll share.
I thought I liked my personality, but yours are so much more fun!! (yes, plural….I’ve been paying attention) *snaps fingers again*
Yes, BLC™ is always lurking close by.
At least you have each other for amusement.
Um, I don’t think I amuse him.
Blunt Life Coach™ speaks: No, he doesn’t. Drop dead, tool.
See?
Well, you both amuse me and that is what counts!!
Good, cause I’m going in circles running away from him right now.
That mental image just made me LOL.
Sure. Laugh it up. I’m running for my life here….
You type remarkably well whilst running for your life!
My phone….
Text to speech…
I’m running out of breath…
I should feel guilty for continuing this conversation and abetting your untimely capture, but I can’t seem to help myself!!
Gee…thanks.
I’m not bad, I’m just written that way!
Oh, I see.
As twindaddy said, I also have multiple personalities. We have sleepovers sometimes. It’s great.
My life seems so boring now!
This was so brilliant and fun that I can barely contain my excitement long enough to compose a comment!
It was really that good. Seriously.
Your comment betrays your composure, Hook. Well done calming yourself down after all that excitement.
I think Thing Two has a future in reporting. Next up, she wants to interview R2-D2. Anyone know where to find him? I know twindaddy never did. Har, har, har.
Rub it in, Alice. Rub it in. You shall pay for that.
Youuu don’t want to get even. You want to give Alice coooookiess . . .
You’re no Jedi. That won’t work on me.
I am so a Jedi. I’ve just been in hiding. Cause you guys are after us. And stuff.
Pfft. The Jedi exist no longer.
That is what we WANT you to think.
That’s what the Emperor has told us. And you know he wouldn’t lie.
Well, that’s true. He does have one of those trustworthy faces. I can see how he fooled the Senate for so long.
Fooled? He’s an honest man, madam. Be careful with your words.
Right, right. And I hear he has an awesome pension plan – not that most of you live long enough to get it.
Hey! I’m doing well enough for myself. I have lost some brothers, though. But they fought the good fight and died well.
Hey, have you noticed that WP is being a pain in the butt in the comment answering thing? If you answer on the notification thing, it just keeps that little spinny thing going. I think they read my post. Maybe they’re working for the Emperor too. It’s diabolical.
I’ll send this report up the chain. Lord Vader will be most displeased with this failure.
My husband pre-ordered and played “Star Wars – The Old Republic”. The poor thing was looking forward to this game for way longer than his average attention span. The game sucked. What’s your excuse?
Um, is this relevant to this post?
I thought maybe I continue the interview. Nvm.
Oh!! Okay. Fire away!!
Great interview! I have to admit that dutch oven effect must be killer in the armor. Doesn’t that thing recycle your air or does it have more of a snowball effect?
We have filters in our masks now, but that was only for defense against chemical weapons and so we could breathe in harsh atmospheres. Until that point, we were left to our own devices. Literally, It stunk. Pun intended.
At least you could never tell for sure who was the worst, since you all look alike. She should have asked how you tell yourselves apart.
Numeral designations.
Where are they tatooed? I hope it’s not on your butts.
Um, no. Nothing so personal. Or invasive. It’s on our wrists.
Good to know. That way you can easily remember which one you are.
Yes. It is much easier.
Great job, Thing Two! I love how you started off with a tough question- why is your aim so bad? Those Stormtroopers fire like crazy but hardly ever hit the main characters!
Well, as I said, our aim is outstanding when we can actually see, but that stupid helmet hinders our vision so much…
Point blank range. They were at point blank range of Luke and Leia in that line swinging scene. Seriously. WTF, guys?
Maybe the genius who designed those helmets is the great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather of the guy who designed Twindaddy’s favorite freeway exit ramp!
That seems likely.
If you bite me, will I turn onto a stormtrooper?
Well, there’s only one way to find out!
You can’t fool me. There is no way you can bite with that silly helmet on.
It’s not attached, you know…
It might not be attached, but it is also true that there is nothing inside of it. No eyes, no ears, no nose, no brain, no teeth = no vampirical stormtrooperite bite.
I could be mistaken, but I’m fairly certain I have all of those things. *checks under helmet* Yeah, it’s all there.
You win. I should have known not to mess with a stormtrooper.
Just because we have horrible aim doesn’t mean we have phantom wit.
Oh Alice! Your daughter (like you, no doubt) is beyond brilliant! Question 4 cracked me up!
And Sexy Stormtrooper, about your answer to question 4, I’m so sorry. The pain you must suffer.
I know. Holding it in is quite painful. Then again, so is letting it out sometimes.
Thing Two reports the news we all want to know. I can see the Enquirer in her future.
I will gladly answer any further questions she may have.
This was great, Thing Two! We need more candid interviews with powerful guys who hide their faces!
Said she who has never revealed her face.
I actually have. But you would have to search back many posts to find it. And then the photo is almost 20 years old.
So my point stands.
I’ll give you this one. This one time. Don’t get used to it!
Oh, don’t worry. I’m shocked I got this one.
So true! Those are real pictures of me – as a child. I’m a grown up Alice, is all. Yup.
I think that we all need to enter some sort of fantasy land from time to time.
It’s the opposite for me. I stay in my fantasy land and only enter reality from time to time.
FUNNY!!!!
Thanks!!
On Q1: The clone troopers had similar helmets but didn’t complain about them. That’s a poor excuse for poor marksmanship.
The Empire should never have traded their Mandalorian clones for the scrubs who make up the Stormtrooper Corps now. The clones could kill Jedi and battle droids, but you scrubs get mind-tricked by aging Jedi and can’t even find an astromech droid and his harmless companion protocol droid.
On Q3: I’m not sure if this is how Lucas came up with the name “Stormtrooper” but the first use of the word (as “Sturmtruppen”) was late in WWI by the Germans (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Storm_trooper).
I know that stormtroopers are named after the real SS, but this was an interview with an 8 year old…
German stormtroopers (WWI) were not SS (WWII). The SS didn’t exist until after WWI.
I know the origin of the term doesn’t fit the “interview” — I thought you might find it interesting nonetheless.
Well, I knew it come from one of those wars. Many of the ideals of the Empire seem to be modeled after the Nazi regime.
I would think the Empire was originally inspired by the Soviet Union (the Cold War was raging in the 70′s, and both the Soviet Union and the Galactic Empire have been referred to as an “Evil Empire”). Wookieepedia sort of confirms this (see http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Galactic_Empire#Behind_the_scenes), although it says Lucas claims the Galactic Empire of Star Wars was largely based on the (benevolent) Galactic Empire of Isaac Asimov’s Foundation series (side note: I highly recommend the Foundation series or any of Asimov’s books if you’re a sci-fi fan). The transition of the Republic into the Empire is also reminiscent of the transition of the Roman Republic into the Roman Empire (as I noted at https://thenullspace.wordpress.com/2011/06/22/on-jedi-relativism/).
I guess. I just see the way Palpatine took over the Republic as reminiscent to the way Hitler took over Germany. Oh, well.
There are definite (and I think purposeful) similarities there.
Agreed.
Yeah, there are parallels there, too. Palpatine and Hitler were both appointed chancellor legally, and the Trade Federation invasion of Palpatine’s native Naboo could be considered a “Reichstag fire”.
AMAZING.
Why, thank you! I’m not sure if that was meant for me, but I’ll certainly take it.
Having come here from Alice’s re-blog, I guess I should be clicking the follow button here. Stormtroopers are the Star Wars equivalent of the Red Shirts in Star Trek, but with a lot more style!
Oh, we definitely have more style than Trekkies!
Indeed you do! Not to mention a lot more mystery and intrigue. I mean, you could be anyone under that armour. Like, even, a woman. Or something.
Well, I supposed I could be, but I’m definitely not.
But the Storm Trooper next to you on parade might be female. Not that we’d know anyway.
Plus, if you’re out shopping and you get bored, you can always pretend to be some sort of electrical household product in the white goods section of the store!
Well, I’m kinda thinking the female troopers stand out….
I think there’s a flaw with her armour there, though. I can’t put my finger on it, but there seems to be something about that design that indicates that there is a part of it that would be quite vunerable to attack…
Is it the plastic? It has to be the plastic.
Yeah, and the fabric bits at the joins.
Hahahaha!
Ha! It may take me some time, due to my busy life, but I always make it to all your posts eventually.. I feel like I know you so much more now! This was funny! Thanks for sharing!! ~Jen