Oh Mummy, what have you done now? Seriously. Why would he do this to me? Again! I swear, that saying about how mummies curse you, I think it’s true. It has to be. It is the only explanation I can think of for why every time I have the perfect plan, it is ruined! I love you Mummy, but I loathe you so much.
Yes, I loathe my best friend, my sidekick, the Pinky to my brain, the Watson to my Holmes, the Jane to my Daria, the Pugsley to my Wednesday, the … well you get the picture. He manages to throw a wrench into the latest plan, and it’s becoming a pattern. First my epic MMO game, which I’m still trying to fix, and now, this! Good Lord! How am I going to be a successful entrepreneur if I cannot make any of my plans work?
Oh, you asked what it was this time. You don’t want me to get started on this one, but now it is too late. I’m going to tell you.
After Mummy came back from his walk, I was seething. Really seething. It was not a pretty sight. All I was thinking about was how all my hard work was for nothing. So much time and planning, and it was ruined. As Mummy walked into the house, more jaunting actually than walking, swinging his walking stick back and forth and whistling, it all stopped rather abruptly as he saw me standing there, arms crossed and a pissed off look on my face.
“Oh don’t start a row with me. I can see that look, and there is smoke pouring out of your ears right now. I have an idea. Well actually, Klaus had the idea and shared it with me. I cannot tell you if you are perturbed.”
“Wait! Klaus is able to talk now? And where is he? Why did he not come in with you? Please tell me the hawks didn’t get him yet.”
“Oh chillax dear high strung one. It causes heart and other problems when you are so red faced and wound up. Then where will you be on your quest to take over the world? Yes, exactly what I thought, nowhere, well except perhaps looking at grass roots.”
“Oh, hush up you.”
“I don’t hush up as you say. Now be kind. I still have my idea to tell you.”
I can’t help but sigh at this. He can be so exasperating and tiresome, but I know I should probably hear this idea, after all, I know he won’t shut up until he tells me. I could use some quiet time now too. I can’t find his tea, and now I have a migraine. I need something!
“Fine Mummy, I will be kind. What is this grandiose idea that you, I mean, Klaus, has?”
“So glad you asked. We need an island.”
“An island? And what would we do with an island?”
“Where is your imagination!? We use the island as our base of operations.”
“And where will we find an island?”
“Already taken care of. Klaus and I have purchased one. Did you know there is an App for that? There seems to be an App for everything these days. I also found an App for taking over the world, I downloaded that too, thought it might come in handy. But that’s not the point, the point is that I’ve already bought an island and I need to get the money for the island from you.”
“Wait. How could you have bought an island with no money?”
“That was easy. I just used your I.D. I don’t have one, so yours seemed like the most viable option instead of making a forgery.”
“So instead you use my I.D., which I would like to know how you got it, and purchased an island, without paying for it YET, and so now you want to take over the world from an island in my name. Great, just great. Now we will be linked to this island. We can be traced. That’s using your brain. What, do you even have one? You’re acting like a zombie Mummy.”
“Of course I have a brain, you just do not appreciate how I use it.”
“Then enlighten me Mummy, how is this a smart idea?”
“It’s a volcanic island. And it’s an active volcano.”
“Yeah, that’s smart.”
“No comments from the peanut gallery until I have finished.”
“Well if you keep telling me idiotic ideas, then I will continue to interrupt you.”
“Then maybe you don’t deserve to know about our island, or should I say my island.”
“If you’re using my I.D. and my money, then it’s MY island.”
“Too late, it’s mine, and you cannot have it.”
And with that, he walked out of the room. Are you kidding me? Now he is spending my money, buying active volcanic islands, and wants to use these as a base for our conquering the world ideas. This cannot be good. Wait! He didn’t even say how he got my identity information. Now I’m worried. If he bought an island, what else did he buy? That’s my savings, or my checking account, or both! This cannot be good at all.
I feel like punching him in the face. That cannot be good. Though, it does seem smart. It wouldn’t leave a mark. Yes, let’s go punch him in the face.
I start walking through the house trying to find him. Sadly, I only find Klaus in the living room. Just what I don’t need. Why is he reorganizing my piles? I can’t take this. I need to get some air.
Outside I make for my porch swing. It’s the only other comfort I have besides my tea, and I cannot find my tea. I need tea! Get me tea!
“Here’s some tea.”
OK. Now where did this come from?
“Mummy, which tea is this?”
“Just drink it, you’ll feel better. I promise.”
Why not? After all, I cannot become any more stressed than I am. How could things possibly get any worse than knowing my money is gone, I now can be traced thanks to the purchase of an island in my name, and then, said island, I cannot even get to! It’s an active volcano! Mother Fraker!
What’s the worst that could happen from some poppy tea?