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Alice, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, blog, blogging, Humor, humour, INSPIRATION, POST IDEAS, postaday, Ron White, Stupidity, Television, White Queen, Wonderland, WordPress, Writing, WRITING PROMPTS
Well, Monday rears its ugly head again. It seems like this happens at least once a week. It’s always after the weekend, too. Why (OH WHY?) does this keep happening?
I haven’t had enough coffee yet, but the prompt must go on. And so too, must I. So, let’s get to it, shall we?
PROMPT ME!
Um, impossible, by its very definition, is something the cannot happen. No seriously, it is. I even went and looked it up. Need further proof? I shall provide it. Here, straight from dictionary.com, is the definition of impossible:
im·pos·si·ble
adjective
1.not possible; unable to be, exist, happen, etc.2.unable to be done, performed, effected, etc.: an impossible assignment.3.incapable of being true, as a rumor.5.utterly impracticable: an impossible plan.
So, having established that impossible things are, well, impossible, I have to say that it would be useless for me to believe in them. Why put my faith in something I know can never happen? Sure, I could believe that I can fly, but it’ll never happen so why should I? Why should I do that to myself? That seems like a sure-fire way to constant disappointment.
So, as I’m known to do, I’m going to break the rules. I know, I know. You’re all extremely shocked and just dropped your coffee, tea, or water in utter disbelief. You, eating that doughnut, I’m sorry you just choked on it. I just can’t suffer today’s rules. They are impossible. Ha! Did you see what I did there? I kill me.
I’m going to list six (or as many as I can think of) things that are impossible that I wish weren’t impossible. And so, without further ado (I can’t believe it’s not ado), here is my impossibly impossible list.
- A way to control metabolism. Like with a knob or something. It kills me when someone who is paper-thin eats way more than me and doesn’t gain an effin’ pound. What the hell is the deal with that? I want to be able to crank it up for a while and burn off all those calories at will.
- Eternal life. I love being alive. I enjoy breathing very much. I don’t want to go anywhere. I have no interest in that never-ending slumber.
-
They call me Tater Salad
The elimination of stupidity. Seriously. I’m an impatient person and that’s something I’m really, really trying to remedy, but all my patience goes on strike in the face of blatant stupidity. My sarcasm asserts itself and my mood nose-dives like a kamikaze pilot. Depending on the severity of the stupidity, I might even get angry about it. It’s a waste of time and energy to get upset about it because, as Ron White so eloquently said, you can’t fix stupid. And that’s unfortunate.
- Beam me up, Scottie. I want the ability to teleport. I’ve met so many incredible people on WordPress who I’d like to meet in person but I don’t have the time or resources to do so. If Scottie could just beam me around so I could visit them that would be great.
- I want to visit that galaxy far, far away. Seriously, how effin’ cool would that be? I want to see the Mos Eisley cantina. I want to visit Alderaan before it gets blown to bits. I want to see Leia in that bikini in person. I want to use the Force. I want to see Coruscant. A planet-wide city would be quite a sight to behold.
- TV without commercials. Commercials annoy the shit out of me. There’s nothing worse than getting into a good show or movie only to have it interrupted by 2 continuous minutes of sheer idiocy. What makes it worse is how horrible commercials are. I guess this kind of goes with number 3, but commercials are unbelievably stupid. The ones that try to be funny fail miserably and end up aggravating me. I sit there and wonder what idiot thought it would be a good idea to not only pay to make this commercial, but also pay for the air-time needed to show it to a mass audience. Fail. Just fail.
Well, that’s the way things should be. And so we’ve come to that very special part of the post where I involve you, dearest reader. That’s right, it’s AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION TIME! What impossible thing(s) do you wish were possible?
Check out these other great Daily Prompt posts
- Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast. | Zen Scribbles
- Impossible is Nothing | Right Down My Alley
- The One That Mother Gives You Doesn’t Do Anything At All | The Jittery Goat
- Daily Prompt – Impossible | Joe’s Musings
- Not Six Impossible Things | Daily Prompt: Impossibility | likereadingontrains
- Daily Prompt | Six Impossible Things | Death By Any Other Name
- Not possible, or is it? | Spunky Wayfarer
- Impossible vs. Possible | بيسان
- Basically Beyond Basic
- Daily Prompt: Impossibility | I am Super Istar
I have lost count on the amount of times I have tried to use the Force to move things.
And it never ceases to be disappointing.
And it never stops you from trying at a later date.
I suppose not.
It certainly doesn’t stop me.
Eliminating stupidity is tops on my list. Unless it’s my own stupidity because otherwise I’d have to quit blogging.
Well, we can’t have that now, can we?
#6 is called PBS.
PBS doesn’t have commercials?
No – it’s underwriting. A top and bottom 15 second mention. Some of the car companies now have a slightly more longer ‘underwriting segment’ (for all sorts of political reasons I won’t get into) …but always at the end or beginning of a program…not in the middle of.
And I hope you’re teasing about asking about PBS commercials – that’s one of the fabulous things about public television – is that they don’t have a commercial every X minute.
I don’t often watch PBS so I really didn’t know that.
You gotta get your PBS on –
What’s worth watching on there? I don’t really watch TV much any more…
lots o’stuff. Cool science docs, British mysteries, the NewsHour, Washington Week, kids programming (for the wee ones), history docs etc. A whole PLETHORA of good stuff. No star wars however, but they did a pledge program of symphony doing star wars music…geeky guys pledged it.
I knew they did kids programming, but I have a lot of that stuph on DVD ready to watch at my convenience…
I cannot watch regular TV b/c I cannot abide commercials.
I don’t like them either, as you might have noticed.
da!
Hahaha!
I work in public television – so I’m a bit biased
LMAO. I thought you worked in a library.
I’m a librarian by education – but I’m a researcher specialist for Public Television for my vocation. I’m a ‘non-traditional’ librarian.
I’m a faux librarian – my spices are not alphabetized.
Lol. How can you run a kitchen like that?!?!?! Chaos!
I organize by usage and memory. My kitchen is well run, thank you.
Uh huh.
What about that car commercial where the kid in the darth vader get up uses the force to start the car? You didn’t even like that one?
That is the exception to the rule.
Good stuff, then. Cool.
Great list of improbabilities. I’m keeping my fingers crossed on all of them.
Coincidentally, I am, too.
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Telekinesis. So I don’t ever have to get up for the remote ever again. I’d never have to carry all those heavy bags from the supermarket.
This could be the solution to plastic bags! Telekinesis is eco-friendly, never again would anyone need a plastic bag
Nice!
And the ability to find all those lost socks.
The dryer ate them.
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I’ll take a teleporter, please and thank you.
I’m not really ready to eliminate stupidity. Ignoring the absolutely annoying times, it’s comic relief…even if I’m the one saying/doing the stupid, and I do that regularly.
Really? So you like donkey just the way he is, huh?
No, I don’t like donkey. But he isn’t what I think of when I think of stupid. He is what I think of when I think of evil. What he does he does on purpose, with intention to hurt someone, or manipulate them to get his own way. When I think of stupid, I think of things more innocent than malicious.
I see. Then I stand corrected. Carry on.
I could have a different definition of stupid from you or other readers.
That could be, too.
“It kills me when someone who is paper-thin eats way more than me and doesn’t gain an effin’ pound.” If it helps at all, those with high metabolism usually show age sooner.
“I don’t want to die until I am done living.” My grandmother said those words and she did just that. Me too! I want to live forever or at least until I am tired of living.
I hope I never get tired of living.
Me too.
Anything is possible given the right circumstances.
I somehow doubt that the force could ever become possible no matter what we do.
I wish it would be possible for me live forever and eat as many hot dogs as I want without experiencing health issues. That’s what I want.
Who knew that wieners were the way to your heart?
HAHAHA
In high school we had to choose a super power and all the other cool kids were choosing super strength, invincibility and the like. I chose teleportation and they all laughed at me. Who’s laughing now bitches?! (That would be stupid and teleportation in one comment. See what I did there?)
It was neither.
Oh, you wanted to be stupid?
Apparently so
Uh….why?
Will you still teleport your troopers here if I am?
Yes.
woohoo! Doing my ‘I love being the exception to the rules’ dance!
Pics or it didn’t happen.
Yeah I’m not THAT stupid!
Then I withdraw my offer.
damn. I’ll have to invent teleportation first, or work on my super power skills. I do, however, get car sick, boat sick, plane sick (I have yet to get sick on a push bike but I’m sure it’s not too much of a stretch). If i had to departicalise and re-group at a new destination I would need one hell of an air sick bag!
Um…just make sure you teleport yourself OUTSIDE my house so you throw up in the yard. THEN you can come in.
Ok deal
Sweet.
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I agree with every one of those, totally. I keep trying to use Jedi mind tricks on students, and they don’t work even though I know many of them are weak minded. So frustrating.
Well that sucks.
As always, I love your deviation from the rules. You make me smile.
I do what I can.
And you do it well.
I do what I can well? Thanks!
But if there aren’t any commercials, how can you go to the ladies’ room?
Um, I don’t normally go to the ladies room, but I like the way you think!!
Who wants to go to the ladies room with me? Any takers? Can I bring my camera?
Ha! Ha! Nice misconstrue.
I’m quite adept at that.
That’s what my DVR is for. Zero commercials … I get to go to the ladies room whenever I please.
Eh, I don’t have a DVR.
I’m pretty sure you can get one … probably on sale at Best Buy.
Ewwwww……..Best Buy? No thanks.
I know, right? They make me really mad. Try Amazon.
I’m on it.
Ah, now, this is where being in the UK has an advantage. We have a small number of channels, from the BBC, where there are no advert breaks. Occasionally a film may be shown in two parts so they can put the news on at 10, but that just allows for a toilet/coffee break. And they will announce upcoming scheduled shows between shows. But no product advertising, which is really rather good.
Nice!
We do have to pay for a TV Licence in the UK, and this is how the BBC is funded. But given that there’s now the freeview stuff it does mean we get BBC1, 2, 3 and 4, and also the BBC Radio stations, all of which are advert free. Plus the Beeb will gain money by selling its quality products to the USA, and that money will then be used to import stuff from the USA.
I want no commercials!
So, when are you going to move to the UK then? I think you can get the BBC through the internet in the USA, but I think you might have to some jiggery-pokery to get a UK IP address.
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So I would like to stop gravity… particularly the gravity around the boobage area! I don’t need the constant reminder of where south is… I have a compass app for that!
Yeah, but wouldn’t it be weird of your boobs we’re just floating around like helium balloons stuffed under your shirt?
Hmmmm, didn’t factor in the float! Was more looking for an excuse for a braless society. You know, for the greater good of mankind and all that crap. Thanks for the mental of boobs mysteriously swirling under clothes by the way, a little hipnotic and a lot hilarious!
Extremely. Zero G cleavage FTW!
I definitely with you on the teleportation and tv ads! I often fantastize about having breakfast in the Meditteranean and dinner in South East Asia. That’s whay I love about the internet: adblock pro! If only it existed for TV!
Hmm, as for what I’d want, I guess endless money would be a good start, that would make life a little easier
Rohan.
True, but that’s not necessarily impossible. Highly, highly improbable, though.
Ha! I like your optimism
Rohan.
I want to be able to explain to the tailgater behind me why I’m slamming on my brakes.
Get one of those bumper stickers that says, “Unless you’re a hemorrhoid, get off my ass!”
Yes, that would be perfection. I actually have “invented” (at least in my head) scrolling messages for fellow drivers. Programmed to say things like, “Would you prefer a ride in my trunk?” or “Wonderful driving with you … have a nice day!”
I never actually invented it because I don’t want people to reprogram the thing with nastier messages – thereby causing even more road rage.
Can there be more road rage? Seems like we’re already at the limit.
One would think. And yet… more everyday.
Well that sucks. Who knew?