I drove by a Tire Discounters store this morning and, as I was sitting in traffic, had time to read the sign outside the store. What the sign said dumbfounded me. Unfortunately, the light turned green before I could whip my phone out and take a picture of it. Plus it was raining and my windows was covered with water. So you’re going to have to take my word for what the sign said. It said:
The Mayan calendar says that now is the time to buy!
Sooooo…..let me try to understand Tire Discounter’s logic here. The world is allegedly coming to an end in 14 days so I should spend what little money I have left before the world ends on a new set of tires that I’ll only get to use for two weeks?!?!?
Seriously. Fuck that. If I’ve only got two weeks left to live I’m not wasting money on a set of tires. I’m going to go out and have the time of my life. I’m going to travel. See the world. Spend time with loved ones. And stay drunk until the 21st. My blood-alcohol level will be so high that I might combust if someone is smoking around me.
You know what I wouldn’t do with two weeks left until the end of the world? Buy a set of fucking tires.
Of course, none of this even matters. The world is not going to end on December 21st. If I believed that for a minute I certainly wouldn’t have spent so much money on Christmas presents. Or paid any of my bills for the last year or so. Or been responsible at all.
You know who should be using the phantom apocalypse to their advantage? Bars. Casinos. Vegas. Liquor stores. Drug dealers. Myrtle Beach. Atlantic City. Disneyland. Things responsible people want to do but don’t because they’re, you know, responsible.
So here’s to you, Mr. Stupid-Tire-Discounters-sign-maker-guy. You put the um in dumbass.