Customer Service Fails: He Knows He’s Fired, Right?

I haven’t done an entry into my Customer Service Fails feature in a while so I figured I’d grace you all with this little ditty.  This story goes waaaaaay back.

Um, not quite that far back…. (Image via comicvine.com)

In the late 90′s I worked in the Tire and Lube Center of the first Wal-Mart ever in the Detroit metro area.  As I was standing out in the shop with my supervisor one day talking about something so unimportant that I cannot remember it, one of our technicians got behind the wheel of a vehicle on which they had just completed an oil change to drive it out of the shop.

Kraft, One Million Moms Engaged in Meaningless Online Feud

Well, here’s a full-house of stupidity.  Kraft recently launched an ad campaign for its Zesty Italian salad dressing with a bare-chested, hot Italian dude endorsing the product.  In one particular ad, the dude is laying naked on a picnic blanket with a corner of the blanket pulled over his, um, junk (modesty people!) and a bottle of the dressing laying next to him, along with other various picnic items.

If I were a woman, I don’t think I’d be wanting a salad after seeing this. Might need to change the panties, though…

Blunt Life Coach™ Speaks: 6/14/2013

Things have been depressing around here of late.  Things have been depressing in real life, too.  So I figured…fuck that noise.  It’s time for some BLC™.  I need a little aggression.  I need to cut loose.  So this time, despite the fact that he’s a fucking jackass, I’m proud to hand my blog over to…

Blunt Life Coach™ speaks:  Well, that was unexpected.  Thanks for the great introduction, Twindaddy, but you’re still a whiny bitch.  Why don’t you get your fucking shit together and stop being a pussy?  Douchebucket.

I’m not here to insult Twindaddy, though that would be fun.  I’m here to answer questions because I’m smart and you’re not.  We all have our cross to bear and mine is being smarter than all you fuckers.  So here we go.

My Dream Car

I have a dream.  It’s not a an altruistic dream, like Martin Luther King, but it’s a dream nonetheless.  It’s not some confusing and freaky dream, like Inception.  I don’t wish for fortune and glory, à la Dr. Jones (my professional name).  My dream is to have the custom-built car of my, uh, dreams.

I very little! You cheat very big!

For as far back as I can remember, I’ve wanted a car with special modifications and features very much similar to a James Bond car from the Q factory.  Perhaps this is inspired by all of the modifications Han made to the Falcon.  Who knows where the inspiration came from?  The fact remains that it’s there.

And do try to return it in pristine condition, 007.

So, without further ado (what would Jesus ado?), here are the components that would make a car my dream car.

Who You Callin’ a Fruitcake?

Hello.  My name is Twindaddy, and I’m a fruitcake.  Wait, no.  I’m a Fruitcake Award winner.  Whatever that is.  I still haven’t decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  I’m of two minds about this and they are arguing something fierce about how I should feel.

MissFourEyes (AKA Naked Blog Goddess) has bestowed the Fruitcake Award on me because…well, I couldn’t make sense of her reason.  Maybe you can…

because I was thinking about how now that I’ve done the Fruitcake award and the tag, Alice won’t hurt Sad Pony and Squirrel. They’re Alice’s imaginary friends and my boyfriends. And Alice loves Blunt Life Coach who is Twindaddy’s alter ego, and I love Twindaddy, so this means that Twindaddy loves Sad Pony and Squirrel. Anyone who loves them deserves the Fruitcake award.

Dragon Me Down

I’ve been procrastinating for so long on this one I totally forgot what I was procrastinating.  What was I supposed to do again?  Accept an award?  Do the dishes?  Take a shower?  Write a post?  Moon a priest?

Oh yes!  Accept an award.  That’s it.  A long time ago in a blog post far, far away, I was given the Dragon’s Loyalty Award by one of my dearest friends, NotQuiteAlice.

Sorry, but despite what you saw in Shrek, it would never work between us.

A Meeting of the Minds

[Editor's Note:  Today one of my favorite bloggers graces this here weblog with her stuph™.  Emily, of The Waiting Blog, is a fantabulous writer, blogger, humorist, friend, and mother.  Her work has been featured on BlogHer and has been Freshly Pressed twice.  Her blog has even been endorsed by WordPress as a Recommended Family Blog.  Thank you, Emily, for temporarily lowering your standards to post here.

I was actually flattered when she let it be known she'd like to post here, as I feel she's far too talented and will make my ramblings look paltry in comparison.  But then I thought of the page views she'd generate....

Anywho...please do yourself a favor and head on over to Emily's blog once you're finished reading here and click on the almighty follow button for family-friendly hilarity delivered straight to your inbox.]

Behind every semicohesive writer amazing blogger is a baby providing their blogging parent with fodder. It is no coincidence that it took me getting pregnant to kickstart my illustrious blogging career, the mouthpiece of a person who has no qualms talking about the frequency at which I pee and my child’s raisin poops. I am not above contributing to the world one more birth story, one more anecdote on how nasty kids can be, and one more gooey sweet love letter to my doting child. Thus, I found my calling: mommy blogger extraordinaire.

But what about the babies behind these blogs? My 14-month-old Wee Cee jumped at the chance to interview Twindaddy’s toddler Baby C. They had much to hash out.  Today, I submit to you, o denizens of Stuphblog, a meeting of the minds between two bloggy babies.

♥

Blunt Life Coach™: 5/28/2013

Its me, bitches!

Greetings.  Twindaddy’s introductions annoy me, so I figured I’d take over our body before he started the post so I don’t have to sit through any of his sappy shit.  I’m tired of him getting in touch with his feminine side.  It’s unbecoming.

It’s time for me, in the way that only I can, answer your lowly questions, as I possess the intelligence you all do not.  Hopefully, they are not a bunch of stupid questions.  Again.

Stuph™ News

Welcome to the first ever edition to Stuph™ News, where we don’t give a damn about the facts nor what you decide.  We are totally biased and make no pretense of being fair and balanced.  (Take note, Fox.  If you’re upfront about it at least we’ll respect you a little more.)

Our first piece of news this morning is that Stuphblog™ has recruited ANOTHER lunatic to write on this here weblog.  We have obtained an exclusive interview with said lunatic, who goes by the moniker…HanSolosVagina.  I’ll let that sink in for a moment, as I was stunned by that name, too.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Bloggy Goals?

Well, hello, Daily Prompt.  Long time no see.  We haven’t hung out in a while.  How have you been?  Oh?  You’ve been getting along well without me?  Well, fuck you then!

So, anyhow, I feel compelled to do today’s prompt despite your asshole-iness.  That’s a word, right?  Right.  Prompt me!!

When you started your blog, did you set any goals? Have you achieved them? Have they changed at all?