Random Thoughts: 6/13/2012

• Apparently Robert Pattinson hates being called R-Patz.  Well, Robert, if you could act or choose wiser roles to accept the rest of us might care.
• A financially destitute school district in Michigan, not content just to cut jobs, is now going to cut (or try to) down 55 trees on its propertyand sell the wood for an estimated $43,000 to help fill the $800,000 hole in its budget.  The community is outraged and wants to save the trees.  Superintendent John Deiter understands their frustration, but wonders why no outraged people called him last year when he had to cut jobs.  I want to disagree with his response so badly, but he has a point.  How can people get so worked up over some trees and not the loss of jobs?  Not just any jobs, but jobs that shape the future of our country.  Cutting the amount of teachers a school has doesn’t also reduce the amount of students attending the school.Ultimately, I don’t think cutting down the trees is a good idea.  It will hardly make a dent in their deficit and, honestly, is killing more trees really ever a good idea?
• A two-mile long bridal train?  What an idiotically grotesque display of self-indulgence.  How do you even walk with two miles of silk attached to your head?  What a dumb fucking idea this was.
• McDonald’s top chef claims that he sees nothing unhealthy on the McDonald’s menu.  In completely unrelated news, the top chef is also blind.Daniel Coudreaut, the top chef in question, says he takes his kids to McDonald’s once a week.  Also in unrelated news, they all have to go there in their scooters from the Scooter Store as they will not fit in the family Accord.
• Polish and Russian soccer (or fútbol as it is known over there) clashed in Warsaw before a game between the two national teams.  Look, I get it.  You guys are patriotic and love your teams…but it’s just a fucking game.  Fan violence always baffles me because it’s so pointless.  No matter who wins whatever game is being played it doesn’t affect your life one way or the other.  Life goes on.  You still get up and go to work the next day.  You still have your family and friends.  There’s no need to attack anybody.  Good God, people are stupid.
• Lady Gaga (ugh…) sustained a concussion recently while performing in New Zealand when a back up dancer “accidentally” hit her with a set prop that was being removed from the stage.  I would like to congratulate this dancer for his/her successful strike against a chronic noise polluter, and hope that this success can be duplicated if Lady Gaga attempts to pollute public air waves again.
• What kind of loser posts a plea for a date on Twitter?  Well, Gio Gonzalez apparently.  The Washington Nationals’ multi-millionaire pitcher posted a desperate tweet the other day looking for a date to a “gala”.  Oh well, it’s classier than what Ben Roethlisberger would do.
• Are an expecting parent?  Are you also having trouble coming up with a name for your brewing bundle of joy?  Fear not, consumer.  Groupon has you covered.  For a mere $1000, Groupon will hand-pick an original name for your debt-magnifier, and even choose the spelling of that name for you.Just so you understand, you’re paying Groupon for this undeniably indispensible service, not the other way around.  Too bad this offer wasn’t around when my children were born.  I could have Clembough, Clembough the Second, and Clembough the Third running around my house instead of Baby A, Baby B, and Baby C.  I somehow feel like a failure as a father now.
• Do you have strange cravings?  Are you one of those rare people who enjoys bacon and ice cream?  At the same time?  Never fear.  Burger King has you covered.   Burger King has introduced a bacon sundae (EDITOR’S NOTE: WordPress attempted to change sundae to Sunday, because apparently the words bacon and sundae should not go together), and it will contain 510 calories, 18 grams of fat, 61 grams of sugar, and 100% pure deliciousness.  “McFlurry my ass,” a BK spokesman was quoted as saying.
• In a recent phone interview with Piers Morgan on CNN, it was revealed by Casey Anthony and her attorney that Anthony has really been into the Hunger Games trilogy.  Morgan tried to insinuate, well, something, by pointing out that the Hunger Games were about killing children.  Look, there’s a lot of things to be said about this idiot and a lot of judgements that can be made by her actions, but reading the Hunger Games isn’t one of those things.  Everyone is reading the Hunger Games and watching the damned movie.  Move along, Morgan, there’s nothing to see here.
• The KKK has applied to adopt a mile-long section of highway in Georgia and they don’t understand why people have a problem with it.  I mean, why should anyone have anything against an organization with a long history of violence and hatred?  Get over yourselves, people.
• Some guy hitchhiking across the country while writing a memoir entitled “Kindness in American” was shot in Montana by a man he thought was offering him a ride.  The irony here is hilarious.  In all seriousness, though, I hope the victim makes a full recovery.  The idiot who shot him has been caught and arrested.
• Middleborough, Massachusetts has just passed a law that allows police to cite citizens with $20 fines for swearing in public.  This is a gross fucking violation of my fucking free-speech rights.  Fuck.
• Floyd Mayweather’s attorney is crying and whining because the jail he is currently in “may cause, not just huge financial harm to Mr. Mayweather, but also huge emotional harm if he is no longer able to pursue his boxing career because of the deconditioning he has suffered.”  Perhaps Floyd should have thought about that before breaking the law, huh?  No sympathy here.

When going green goes awry

About a month ago, the plant where I work went green and installed light switches everywhere with sensors in them.  The sensors detect when someone is there and turn on the lights.  If roughly five minutes pass and no movement is detected the lights turn off.

This is great for the plant.  They save money on energy and can feel good about consuming less energy and doing their little part to save the planet.  Or some such.

This morning, I found one of the drawbacks to this technology.  You see, every once in a while I have to use the facilities at work.  Drop the kids off at the pool, if you will.  This morning was one such occasion.

So there I was, in the stall, taking care of my business.  Then, the lights went out.

Great.

Someone didn’t think this through very clearly.  I don’t know many people that can take a dump in under 5 minutes.  And I could make all the motions I wanted, but the sensor wasn’t going to detect them because I was in a stall.

So I did the only thing I could do.

No, I didn’t wade across the bathroom in the dark with my pants around my ankles.  I sat there and waited for someone else to come in.  It was only another couple of minutes before I was saved.

Once the light was back on I hurriedly finished before I found myself left in the dark again.

Next time I’ll just hold it until the smaller bathroom without a stall is available…

You may also like:

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• Gotta hot wife? You’re hired! (stuphblog.wordpress.com)

Thoughts from the Throne: Chain of Fail

On my way home from work, I was stopped at one of the many stoplights I must traverse through when I noticed the ugliest thing:  there was a woman walking the sidewalk wearing a solid gray shirt with vertically striped blue and white capris.

I’ll wait here whilst you imagine this vomit-inducing sight. You back? Good.

Wow, I thought to myself, those are some fugly pants.

Then I realized the fugliness affronting me was not entirely this woman’s fault.

You see, somebody designed those pants.  Then somebody approved those pants for production.  Then some buyer for a store that sells (apparently ugly) clothes decided to purchase them for resale.  Then, that woman bought those pants and, today, decided to wear them. 

And thus the fruits of an entire chain of fail were laid out before me.

I was even more indignant upon this realization.  How can there be that many people failing at their jobs/lives?  Isn’t there anyone to hold all of these failures accountable so I never have to witness crimes against fashion and humanity such as this again? 

Anyone? 

Bueller?

Well, obviously there isn’t.  It just amazes me the amount of people that leave their houses every day without so much a glance in the mirror?  How can you not know you look like that? 

Please stop failing people.

Did you want me to trim your eyebrows?

Getting old sucks.  As a man, when you grow older you have to deal with hair coming in where there never was hair before.  AND you have to deal with hair disappearing from places it has always been.

My sister-in-law used to be a hair dresser.  I say used to be because she recently obtained her RN, and will be a nurse soon.  Anyhow, I’ve been going to her to get my haircuts for the longest time because she does a good job AND I get an employee discount since we’re related.

About a month ago I went to get my haircut and it coincidentally was a day where her place of employment was having a sale on haircuts.  The place was packed and the sale price was the same as I normally pay with the discount I get, so I just took the first person available because I didn’t want to wait for my sister-in-law to be free and she was on break when I got there and I wasn’t sure when she was due back.

As it happens, the person who ended up cutting my hair was at the station right next to my sister-in-law.  So as I’m getting my haircut I’m talking with my sister-in-law about when she’ll be graduating and what her employment prospects were.  Eventually, my hair is all trimmed and the person who had cut my hair looks down at me and says, “Did you want your eyebrows trimmed?”

Whaaaaaaaaat?!?!

That question caught me completely unawares.  Why the hell would I need my eyebrows trimmed?  I actually laughed out loud at the prospect of needing them trimmed.  What a moronic question.

After a hearty chuckle, I informed the young woman that, no, I would not be needing my eyebrows trimmed.  The poor woman didn’t know how to react for a moment.  I’m sure I’m the first person who ever laughed in answer to that question.  She then told my sister-in-law that she needed to warn her about her customers.

She was then informed that we were related, and the woman then had an embarrassed look on her face.

Anyhow, after I got home I looked at my eyebrows the next time I was in front of a mirror just to see what prompted her to ask me that inane question.  Turns out that upon closer inspection, I had a couple of wild hairs sticking out from above my eyes.  I quickly grabbed my beard trimmer and nipped that shit in the bud. 

What the hell?  How and when did my eyebrows get so damn long?  Why does this happen to us as we get older?  Why? Why?  For the love of God, WHY?

And then today, I had to trim them again….

Random Thoughts: 6/2/2012

• Looks like the Saints players who denied the existence of a bounty system in New Orleans were lying.  I love how they’ve all been proclaiming their innocence since they were all suspended.  Like the NFL would suspend without solid proof of wrong-doing.  Idiots.
• A survey of 1000 idiots people has found that 20% of people urinate in public pools.  Setting aside the fact that you would deliberately piss in a pool that other people are swimming in, why on earth would you piss in a pool and then continue to swim in it? 
• There is apparently a new Star Wars video game in the works dubbed Star Wars 1313.  It’s a bounty hunter game set in level 1313 on Coruscant.  The game is supposed to explore the darker side of the Star Wars universe and may (I doubt it) have an M rating.  This sounds too good to be true.
• When asked who should play him if a movie were to be made about his life, Bill Clinton went with George Clooney.  He then picked Meryl Streep to play Hillary.  So when Bill cheats on Hillary in the movie, you’ll still nod your head in agreement and think to yourself, “Look who he married.  I don’t blame him.”
• If you’re interested in learning the ingredients of “bath salts,” the “new LSD” as it is called, click on this link.  Bath salts is believed to be the catalyst of the recent “zombie” sighting in  Miami, Florida, where a 31-year old man attacked another man and ate half of his face.  Authorities still have not ascertained why Mila Jovavich did not intervene.
  
• A fine gentleman in Cleveland was handed a $344 citation for littering when money he was attempting to give to a homeless man fell to the ground.  Stay classy, Cleveland.
• Axl Rose’s doucebaggery knows no bounds, evidently.  You are apparently not allowed to wear Slash t-shirts at a GNR concert.  Some poor chap who attended the GNR concert at London’s O2 arena was forced to remove his slash shirt prior to entering the arena.  To top it all off, Axl showed up an hour late.  What an ass.
• Christina Valdez, the mother of the child who received the Catastrophe Award, tries to defend herself by saying she’s there for her children 24/7 and that she knew of 3 or 4 assignments that her child didn’t complete because she didn’t write them down in her book.  She says she only wanted an apology from the school for their “humiliating” award.  Yeah, well, in 10 years your daughter’s going to want an apology from you for failing as a parent.  Shut up about the award already and raise your child.
• Some high school students in Mink Creek Idaho had their video camera recording one day and recorded what may have been the mythical Bigfoot. Upon closer inspection of the video, however, experts deduced that it was merely Rosie O’Donnell.
• Heath Campbell, an idiot who named 3 of his 4 kids after prominent Nazi figures (including one named Adolf Hitler) had his children taken away from him in 2009 for merely naming them after members of the third Reich.  Now, I don’t condone naming a child after Hitler, Himmler, or any of the other idiots that tried to take over the world in the 1930’s, but to take away children from loving parents, however idiotic they may be, seems unconstitutional to me.  Do we take children away from parents because they’re racist?  Because they hate gays?  Because they let them listen to Justin Bieber?  No, we don’t.  If this guy wants to be a Nazi and teach his children to be Nazis, it’s his constitutional right to do so.  As long as he’s not neglecting or abusing his children, the court has no right to take those children away. 
• The Defense of Marriage Act, passed in 1996, has been found unconstitutional by a federal appeals court on the grounds that the federal government has no authority to define a state’s definition of marriage.  What this means for gay marriage is anyone’s guess.
• These are the type of stories you should see on the news.  Not some bullshit about another murder or robbery.  Not news piece designed to inspire fear and promote conspiracy theories.  But this:  A 9-year old boy who won a family vacation to Disney World gave it a girl whose father had just been killed in Afghanistan.  What a classy kid.  How many of you would have done that?  Then, the Disney Company awarded this child’s family with an all-expense paid trip for his generosity and the kid is going to find another military family to donate the trip to.  I bow before this kid’s greatness.
• An Al Jazeera documentary, Songs of War, alleges that detainees at Guantanamo Bay were tortured by having to listen to Sesame Street songs on repeat for days on end.  My first reaction to this was to laugh uncontrollably for about a minute.  My second reaction was to realize how fucking cruel this is.  Could you imagine having to listen to Elmo’s Song for days on end?  Cruel and unusual indeed.
• Guitar Pee?  Yes, please.

• NYC Mayor Michael Bloomburg plans to propose a ban on sales of sugary beverages larger than 16oz.  Just how far into our lives does the government plan to reach?  Isn’t taking choice away also taking some of our freedom away?  Look, Bloomberg, if you take away soda people are going to find something else to shove in their pie-holes.  Why don’t you find something productive to do with your time instead of this giant sack of suck?
• Another day, another Christian preacher who wants to kill gay people.  What the fuck is wrong with these guys?  Is there an 11th commandment I don’t know about?
  

Related articles

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• Nazi Parents Lose Custody Of Adolf Hitler (inquisitr.com)

 

And they keep rolling in…

We have been nominated for another award courtesy of Dabutcha.  Dabutcha, or Rob as he is called in real life, is a talented writer who I have nominated for multiple awards.  His posts are witty, funny, and always entertaining. 

The best thing about Rob, however, is that he thinks we’re deserving of this award.  Either that or we were one of only 7 blogs he knows about.  We’ll take it either way.

As with all awards, there is homework.  I must:

1. Name seven things about myself
2. Nominate seven other blogs for this award

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to keep coming up with things about myself that I haven’t said before, but I’ll try nonetheless.  Here goes:

1. I have never smoked any form of cigarette (tobacco, marijuana, etc).
2. I absolutely love Mad Libs.
   

   The cover of a Stern and Price Mad Libs book. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

3. When I was in second grade, the tip of my left ring finger was cut off in a freak toy box accident.
4. Lazy people piss me off.
5. The doctor who delivered me also delivered my mom 27 years earlier.  Rock on, Dr. Eno.
6. I am extremely sarcastic and will use sarcasm in almost any situation.
7. During my senior year in high school we were so broke that my mother, Revis, and I subsisted on leftover food from the restaurants Revis and I worked for.  All three meals consisted of pizza and KFC.  All day every day.  And you know what?  I wouldn’t trade those days for anything.

And now its time for…

Hey!  Fuck off, Kanye!  GTFO!  Even the President thinks you’re a jackass.

Anyhow, now it’s time for my seven nominees.  I’m going to try to nominate people I haven’t nominated before.  We’ll see how that goes.

1. Karen of The Chronicles of a Skinny Jeans Wearing Toronto Girl is a hilarious blogger who posts sporadically (ha!) about things such as The Friend Zone, weird news stories, and her unhealthy obsession with Ryan Gosling.
2. Kimberliah of, um, Kimberliah, blogs about her life without sanity as she attempts to raise her kids.  Also, she finally got an iPhone.  Hipster…
3. Speaker7 is a blog I just recently started following.  The hysterical satire that flows from her fingertips is, uh, hysterical.  So go check it out.  And laugh, or something.
4. Me 2.0 is written by Mikalee Byerman and is about her life after divorce and dealing with the children involved in that divorce.  Mikalee probably won’t care about this nomination seeing as how she’s a published writer, but I don’t care.  Her blog is hilarious and everyone should go read it…after you read mine, of course.  Don’t neglect mine to see hers even though hers is much better.
5. Ranting and Raising Concerns is a blog mostly composed of things that piss the authors off.  I can get behind this because, hey, there’s a lot of stupidity out there.  I like ranting on my blog, but I don’t do it nearly as well as these two ladies do.
6. The Official Matt Roberts is a blog of a buddy of mine that is really more or less an official page to document his journey to becoming a published author, which, technically, he now is.  He just released two eBooks exclusively on Amazon last week and is working on a print release of one of them.  Please check out the short stories on his page and if you like them, buy his books.  He is, in my opinion, a great story teller.  And I’m not just saying that just because he’s my friend.  I really enjoyed, his first book, Hand One is Dealt, and I bet you will, too.
7. Lastly, I nominate my brother, RevisEdgewater.  Even though he’s a contributing author here, he does loosely maintain his own blog.  Unfortunately (well, fortunately for him and unfortunately for those who would like him to write more), he’s not posting much these days because he’s expecting to be a daddy within the next month or so.  Revis is a fabulous writer.  I actually wish I could write as well as he does.  He’s a very talented poet, and if he okays it, I would post some of his poetry here that I have saved on my computer.

So there you have it.  I have completed my homework and successfully turned it in without the dog eating it, but that’s only because she’s hiding in the basement from the thunderstorm rolling through here right now.

Thanks again to Rob, for the nomination, and to all of our wonderful readers for, you know, reading.

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Another award? You love me! You really love me!

We have been nominated for another award!!  Go team!

Datingbitch of OnlineDatingJournal has nominated us for the Sunshine Blogger Award.  I again scoured the internet (read: looked through one page of Google search results) to see if there was some criteria that must be met for this award or if there was some other meaning to it and all I found were the rules, which are as follows:

1. Include the award logo in a post or somewhere on your blog.
2. Answer 10 questions about yourself.
3. Nominate 10 to 12 other fabulous bloggers.
4. Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blog, letting them know about the award.
5. Share the love and link the person who nominated you.

I have posted the award logo.  Check.

Answers 10 questions about moi?  I don’t find myself that fascinating, but if you insist.

1. What’s one of your favorite books from childhood? I don’t remember specific titles, but I used to read the Hardy Boys mystery books when I was in my pre-teen years.
2. What are you reading right now? This post.  If,  however, you’re referring novel or the like, I’m reading Miracle Cure by Harlan Coben
   
3. What’s a go-to meal you make on busy weeknight?For the longest time it was frozen pizza, but we’re trying to eat healthier now and there really are no quick and  healthy meals so I don’t have one currently.
4. Favorite thing to do in your free time?There are many things I like to do with my free time.  Of those, I play video games, read, or write mostly.
   
5. Favorite season? Winter.  It’s not so much that I like being cold (which I do to a degree) but I hate being hot.  With a passion.  Also, winter has snow.  Snow fucking rules.
6. Favorite magazine? I don’t read magazines and quite frankly don’t see how magazines stay in business any longer with the popularity and ubiquity of the internet.
   
7. Favorite author? Harlan Coben.  Hands down.
8. Favorite color? Black.  Although red gets an honorable mention.
9. Favorite movie? No such thing.  I couldn’t narrow it down to just one.  But can I nominate The Avengers as my temporary favorite movie?  I’ve seen it three times already and wouldn’t mind seeing it a few more.
10. Do you prefer reading short stories or novels? Novels, as there is room for more in-depth story telling and character development.  But I do enjoy short stories as well.

Whew!  That was exhausting.  I hate being interrogated.  Now I must nominate 10 to 12 fabulous bloggers.  Last time I did this I checked each nominee’s blog to ensure they didn’t already have the award, but it’s almost 11 and I’m freaking tired.  So, yeah, I’m not going to be doing that.  If you already have the award and I nominate you again that means you kick serious ass.

1. Articles of Absurdity written by LorreLee
2. Beefy’s House o’ Fun written by beefybooyawn
3. FiftyFourandaHalf written by Elyse
4. Laughter is Catching written by Tinkerbelle
5. Life in the Boomer Lane written by Life in the Boomer Lane
6. The Camel Life written by BreezyK
7. Life in the Drive Thru written by DriveThruGuy ( I know he just received one, but I don’t care.  His blog is that entertaining.)
8. The Book of Terrible & You’ve Been Hooked written by The Hook
9. DaButcha’s Blog written by DaButcha
10. The Dumbass News written by fearlessleaderofthedumbasshorde

Now, I’m supposed to notify all of these people on their blogs that I’ve nominated them, and I will, but not tonight.  I’m far too tired and falling asleep as I type this.  As you can probably tell by the reduction in the quality of my writing the longer this post gets.  That last sentence was proof of my claim.

And for my final act, I will “share the love and link” of the person who nominated me.  I discovered Datingbitch of OnlineDatingJournal when a buddy of mine nominated her for the Versatile Blogger Award.  The very first post of hers that I read was entitled My Last Day as a Stripper.  It’s a very moving and emotionally distressing piece and I’m not ashamed to admit that I had a lump in the back of my throat and fought back tears as I read this post.  Well, maybe I’m a little ashamed, but it’s a damn good piece.  She has a zany personality and a wicked sense of humor and I enjoy reading her blog.  Beware, however.  If you’re easily offended (if that was the case you probably wouldn’t be here, huh?) do not click on that link.  You WILL be offended.

Lastly, I’d like to thank all 105 followers (hey, that’s what it tells me I have on my page…) for reading and continuing to come back even after you’ve read our crap here.  As the great Emilio Estevez once said, “Hasta lasagna!  Don’t get any on ya!”

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Random Thoughts: 4/9/2012

• 15,000 people showed up at a church in Georgetown, Texas to hear Tim Tebow preach on Easter Sunday.  This gives birth to multiple questions.  Aren’t there more qualified people to hear preach?  Is Tebow saying something different from any other preacher?  Why are people so enamored with this guy?  Many people wear their faith on their sleeves such as Tebow does, but they are not as revered as Tebow.  So what gives?  Is it just because he’s a football player?  So what?  Why would you listen to a football player over someone who actually went to school to preach to you?  Someone who, you know, actually studied the Bible (or whatever) and knows it intimately?

  I also have some issues with some of the comments he made.  In regards to athletes who claim they are not role models, Tebow said, “Yes you are. You’re just not a good one.”  Tim, being an athlete does not make one a role model.  If you are a parent and encourage adulation of athletes (or any celebrity for that matter) then you are not doing you job as a parent properly.  Sure, it’s nice to have the ability to be an athlete, but just because you have the raw talent to be a football player doesn’t automatically qualify you as role model.  Nobel peace prize winners are worthy of adulation and are fitting role models, athletes aren’t.

  Secondly, Tebow says that “It’s OK to be outspoken about your faith.”  No, it’s not.  It’s okay to believe and to have faith, but many people believe different things and are followers of many different religions.  The only thing every religion has in common is the belief that their’s is the one true religion and that all other religions are wrong.  So if you go out spouting your faith you’re going to run into someone who thinks you’re wrong.  Then we have confrontation and conflict.

  Believe what you want, but keep it to yourself.

• Wow, talk about a woman scorned.  Some Indiana woman broke into her ex-boyfriend’s house, clubbed him over the head, and literally ripped his balls off with her bare hands.  Okay, not completely off, but his scrotum was torn.  What the fuck?  Some people just can’t handle rejection.
• From the “people are stupid” file, the alleged shooter of 5 black people in Tulsa, OK was pissed about his dad being murdered by a black guy two years ago.  The guy that did it is in jail, but apparently that wasn’t enough for this dude.  So he went on a shooting spree.  What’s the logic here?  How did this solve anything?  I could understand shooting the guy that did it (not defending it), but just because some random black guy killed your dad doesn’t mean they all collaborated on it.  If black people use your logic then they’ll start indiscriminately killing white people in retaliation.  Stop being stupid, people!
• Pope Benedict XVI held an Easter candle at a basilica vigil Saturday night.  Mysteriously missing from the story is when the Pope colored eggs and filled baskets with candy.  And who hid the eggs?
• A fully preserved woolly mammoth was discovered in Siberia recently, and is estimated to be roughly 10,000 years old.  Creationists have no opinion on this….
• The Titanic Memorial Cruise will retrace the voyage of the original Titanic.  The MS Balmoral will set sail from Southampton with 1,309 passengers aboard begging the question:  Who signs up for a cruise that ends up at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean?
• A 2-year old child fell into her grandparents swimming pool a died over the weekend.  Again, where are the parents, grandparents, or any fucking adult that should have been watching this child?  Why was a 2-year old allowed to play near a swimming pool unsupervised?  What the hell is wrong with people?
• Some freaky woman was arrested in New York this weekend for stalking Alec Baldwin.  If you’re going to stalk a celebrity, shouldn’t it be one that isn’t a gigantic tool?  Or one with some talent?
• A handful of people showed up at the Cleveland Indians home opener with signs protesting the use of the name “Indians.”  I’m not sure what these people are upset about.  They claim that using the name is racist, but I don’t see the connection.  Racists terms are normally thought to be derogatory, so why would the owners of the team choose  a team name they didn’t respect?  If they thought so little of “Native Americans” I doubt they’d keep the name.  There’s a quote from one of the protesters in the article stating his belief that the club is somehow subjugating Native Americans by using the name.  What?!  How on earth do  you make THAT connection?

  People need to calm down and realize there are more important things to protest.  It’s just a team name and no ill-will is intended.  They chose the name to honor a Native American who had played on the team in the early 1900′s.  Obviously different people are going to have different opinions, but it’s still a freakin’ team name.  If you’re going to protest, protest something important like the war in Afghanistan or the attack on women’s reproductive rights.  Or even the economy.  Make it something worthy of your time.

Thoughts from the Throne: Easter

So today is Easter.  I had a nice day.  My mother-in-law came over to visit Baby C.  He had a fun time with his basket full of goodies.  Mostly he enjoyed the plastic eggs.  He would put them all in the basket and take them all back out of the basket.  Then he took them all apart, but couldn’t get them back together again.

The twins came over after church.  This was their mom’s weekend, but we share Easter so I got them for a few hours.  I kicked their butts at FIFA soccer on Xbox then we went outside to play basketball.

Then we went to my dad’s house for dinner.  After dinner the kids went outside for the Easter egg hunt.  They all had a blast.  All three children got baskets both from us and my father so the house is loaded with candy.

All in all, I had a great day….except for the one thing that always bothers me about this day.  What the hell does a bunny, candy, eggs, and baskets have to do with Easter?  Easter is the day Jesus ascended into heaven (if you believe that sort of thing) so how did it turn into a day of bunnies bringing candy to little kids and hiding eggs that you busted your ass coloring?

I mean, this day is great for kids and retailers, but it just doesn’t make any sense when you actually think about it.  I just don’t see any connection whatsoever.

Somebody please explain this blasphemy.

Random Thoughts: 4/6/2012

• James Bond fans are outraged because 007 will be drinking Heineken in the new movie Skyfall instead of his usual martini – shaken, not stirred.  Get a freakin’ life people.  It’s a movie and a fictional character.  Terms such as “sacrilege” do not apply here.
• The Baltimore Orioles played a charity game against a local community college…and lost.  I know it’s just a charity game, but there is no reason a major league team should lose to a community college.  Shame.
• 600,000 Macs are allegedly infected with the “Flashback” virus.  This makes me happy because I get tired of Mac users acting like nothing bad ever happens to a Mac.  Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?
• British columnist Samantha Prick Brick is under some delusion that she is “too sexy” for everybody.  She laments the fact that men go out of their way to treat her with an enormous amount of courtesy while her fellow women scorn her and are jealous of her because of the attention she gets.  While I would agree that beautiful women are treated better by men because men are dogs, this woman is NOT pretty.  If you are going to write an article that the whole world is going to see that says you look good, you better look good.  She does not.
• There is apparently some uproar about a Burger King commercial featuring  Mary J Blige endorsing a chicken wrap.  People have described the video as racist, scary, and unintentionally hilarious, according to the linked article.  Basically, the commercial starts with a customer asking a Burger King employee what’s in the new chicken wrap.  A manager steps forward and says, “Tell ‘em, Mary.”  Then she sings a song about the ingredients in the wrap.  That’s it.  I don’t know what’s racist or scary or even funny (intentional or otherwise) about this commercial.  Burger King has pulled the ad due to an alleged copyright issue, but many people think it’s because of the backlash.  I finally found the video here.  You can see for yourself there’s nothing to any of the claims.  I think people are reacting idiotically because as the stereotype goes, black people love chicken.  You know what?  Everybody loves chicken.  Find me someone who doesn’t.  You can’t.  Go to a chinese place.  Most everything on the menu is chicken.  They like chicken in Mexico, too.  They like chicken everywhere.  White people like chicken.  So do Asians and Hispanic people.  Would there be this kind of uproar if a white person endorsed crackers?  I think not.  Again, people, quit looking for drama where none exists.  There is nothing wrong with this commercial.
• NBC is in hot water for editing a tape of George Zimmerman’s 911 call.  Now they “regret it.”Here is what they released:  “Zimmerman: This guy looks like he’s up to no good. He looks black.”

  Here’s how the call actually transpired:

  “Zimmerman: This guy looks like he’s up to no good. Or he’s on drugs or something. It’s raining and he’s just walking around, looking about.

  Dispatcher: OK, and this guy – is he black, white or Hispanic?

  Zimmerman: He looks black.”

  Almost everyone in the country formed their opinion of George Zimmerman based on that clip.  Bias in the media needs to go.  They are to report the facts and only the facts.  They are not to edit the facts to make things look a certain way.  They are to present the information in full for the public to make its own conclusions.

  It’s now come out that Zimmerman showed multiple injuries the night that he killed Trayvon Martin.  It doesn’t mean that Martin did it, but it does mean that things aren’t as crystal clear as we thought them to be.  Ultimately, Zimmerman needs to be arrested and tried by a jury of his peers.  That’s what the legal system is supposed to do and how it’s supposed to operate.  Let the system do it’s job and stop trying people in the media.

• NBC is also saying that the edit was an error and not sensationalized editing.   They appear to believe a “seasoned” producer made the critical “error.”  Sure.  That’s what happened.
• You just can’t make this stuph up.  A 50-year old woman in Tennessee called 911 because her burger from Hardees tasted funny.  This dumbass didn’t call just once, but twice to complain about her burger.  In addition, she had already called the Hardees in question and been told she could get her money back.  I’m not sure what else she wanted or why she deemed it necessary to call 911 – twice – but suffice to say, she’s in jail now for abusing 911.
• Attention Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, this woman is a real wedding-crasher.  Take notes and do it right the next time.
• When Keith Olbermann was on SportsCenter he was one of my favorite anchors.  He was funny, and alongside Dan Patrick, was part of the best duo to report news ever.  Then he ventured into politics and turned into a Bill Maher/Rush Limbaugh type that spews attacks and insults at people who think differently than him.  He was fired from MSNBC last year for being a douche and was recently fired from Al Gore owned CurrentTV for being a douche.  He’s now suing them for breach of contract.  This guy has burned bridges everywhere he’s been.  He left ESPN under messy circumstances as well.  Keith, take some advice.  Stop being an asshole and leave the public spotlight.  You are truly a brilliant and funny man, but you’re also a dick and nobody likes you anymore.  Go away.
• I try not to pay too much attention to E-news, but the title of this article caught my eye and piqued my curiosity.  Apparently, Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick, who have been married for 23 years, are tenth cousins and only found out about it on the show Finding Your Roots With Henry Louis Gates, Jr.

  “It was a little upsetting, we’re not going to lie,” Sedgwick said on the David Letterman show.

  Yeah, I think I’d be a little freaked out, too, if I found out I’d married a relative.  Although a tenth cousin is pretty far removed….

• From the “irony can be pretty ironic sometimes” file, Katy Perry told Teen Vogue magazine that fame is disgusting.  Dear Katy, why, if you’re so disgusted by your fame, would you perpetuate it by agreeing to an interview in a teen magazine?
• How are you going to drive all the way home only to fall asleep at the wheel at the last possible moment and crash into your front porch?  Losing!