Tag Archives: News

Random Thoughts: 12/14/2012

buschemi

Man.  I haven’t done one of these posts in forever, mainly because they take so long to do.  Someone once told me she loved these posts and liked to see my opinion on all the different things in the news, so here goes:

  • ESPN’s Rob Parker asked Thursday morning on First Take (a horrible show that features the idiotic Skip Bayless), “Is he a brother, or is he a cornball brother? He’s not really. He’s black, he does his thing, but he’s not really down with the cause. He’s not one of us. He’s kind of black, but he’s not really like the kind of guy you really want to hang out with,” about Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III.  
    First of all, why is race being brought into anything nowadays?  We’re supposed to be passed that.  Secondly, are you really questioning the color of somebody’s skin or the ethnicity of another human being based on the color and ethnicity of that person’s fiancée?  Thirdly, so what if he’s Republican?  There are plenty of black Republicans.  Being a Republican doesn’t automatically disqualify you from being black.  And finally, Mr. Parker, you are a fucking moron.  That is all.

    English: Baylor quarterback, Robert Griffin II...

    This is Robert Griffin III.  He sure looks black to me. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

     

     

  • Oh, look!  Celebs over 40 in bikinis!
  • Ever heard of brominated vegetable oil?  Me either.  Evidently it’s an ingredient found in many drinks, such as Gatorade, Mountain Dew, Powerade, and Squirt, among others.  It’s a type of vegetable oil so it must be fairly harmless, right?  Wrong.  According to this article, BVO is linked to “neurological disorders and altered thyroid hormones.”  Nice.  I don’t feel so bad about not letting my kids drink Mountain Dew and Gatorade for all this years.  It does, however, make me regret drinking Mountain Dew all those years while I was growing up.  Why is this substance approved by the FDA?
  • Okay, guys, who’s ready to wear some meggings (male leggings)
    Anybody?  Buehler?I thought not.  Who the hell thought this was a good idea?

    Really? Aren’t skinny jeans bad enough?

  • I had never heard of California Superior Court Judge Derek Johnson before, but this guy is a tool.  Apparently, the “honorable” Judge Johnson believes that, “if someone doesn’t want sexual intercourse, the body will not permit that to happen.”  Not only does this dolt believe this, but he actually uttered these words to a rape victim.  In court.  In front of her attacker.  He also admonished her for “not putting up a fight.”The California Commission on Judicial Performance voted 10-0 to impose a public admonishment Thursday.  I don’t know what all that entails besides publicly slapping the judge’s hand, but this dude needs to be relieved of his duties.  What a cock.
  • Even though there is still roughly two and a half weeks left in the year, a list of this year’s most unusual baby names has already been compiled.  Among the gems are names such as #hashtag (really?), Queenie (everyone will just assume she’s a bitch), Inny (dafuq?), Excel (I guess the other Office program names were deemed unworthy), Jedi (look, I love Star Wars, but c’mon, why would you do this to a kid?),  Cobain (bad juju), Savior (isn’t that like naming a ship Titanic and dubbing it unsinkable?), Espn (that network sucks so what does that imply about how you feel about your son?),  Goodluck (wtf?), Google (I can’t even think of anything funny to say about this), and Popeye (well, blow me down).  Congratulations kids, your parents hate you all.
  • Tip for farmers everywhere, if you’re going to plow your marriage proposal into a cornfield, please learn how to spell so that your 10-year old daughter doesn’t have to tell her dad that he’s an idiot.

    It’s Jodi, not Lodi. Good thing it’s the thought that counts, huh? Or is that only for presents?

     

  • If Kristin Stewart wears a dress and nobody cares, did it really ever happen?

    What the hell is this? It looks like she’s wearing a clear plastic bag over a 1940′s era bikini.

  • Over 8 million people in the New York City area breathed a collective sigh of relief upon hearing the news that Hillary Clinton will not seek the NYC mayor’s office.
  • Evidently Olympic gold medalist skier Bode Miller is not destined to have a second career is a pro golfer.  Whilst golfing with his wife the other day, he hit her in the face with an errant tee shot that required over 50 stitches to close up.  Here’s a link to the picture if you really want to see it.  It’s pretty gruesome.  Needless to say, Bode will probably be able to have a cookout with the contents of his stocking on Christmas day.
  • Who the hell is Honey Boo Boo?  And why should anyone care about her favorite Christmas memories?  And why on earth is some kid name Honey Boo Boo?
  • NASA says “I told ya so,” in regards to why the world won’t end on the 21st.  What they don’t say is that a team led by Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck led a space expedition to the planet Nibiru, drilled a hole in it, and dropped a nuke in it.  The results could be seen last night as the remains of Nibiru entered our atmosphere under the guise of “meteor showers.”  Luckily, I saw through the conspiracy to bring you the truth.  You heard it here first.buschemi

And there you have it.  That’s all the randomness I can handle today.  My head is spinning and my stomach is yelling at me because I should’ve eaten lunch a couple of hours ago.  Hope you enjoyed it!

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Would You Marry A Porn Star???

Porn Star

Would You Marry A Porn Star??? | The KiddChris Show – 102.7 WEBN.

Porn Star

So I was scrolling through my newsfeed this morning on Facebook when I came across the link above.

My curiosity piqued (no explanation needed, I hope), I clicked on the link.  The story states that a survey taken recently says that 86% of men would be willing to date a porn star and that 61% would be willing to marry one.

http://ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i52/5/6/17/frabz-dafuq-93bd40.jpg

Really?

I’m sure it would be freakin’ awesome to be able to tell all of your buddies that you’re banging a porn star, but that would be the only pro I can think of in this situation.

Is there anyone here who hasn’t seen porn before?  You in the back?  You’re lying.

Ok, since we’ve established that we’ve all seen porn before let’s get to all the reasons why 86% of  men polled (did you see what I did there?) are idiots and 61% are even bigger idiots.

Reason #1.  You will never be able to satisfy her in bed.  As much as the average guy wants to think he’s Casanova in bed, let’s face it…you’re probably not.  These women have sex for a living.  You know how quickly she’d become bored with what you’re doing?  That’s right, before you even start.  You aren’t going to be able to do anything to her that hasn’t been done to her before.  By a coworker.

That's right. She'll be thinking of all the ways you're inadequate.

That’s right. She’ll be thinking of all the ways you’re inadequate.

Reason #2.  Have you seen how big the schlongs are in those movies?  Do you know what that does to a vagina when repeatedly crammed in and out?  I don’t either, but I can only fathom a one word answer to that question.  Stretching.  That means that she has a hole you’ll never be able to fill.  Probably two.  And that, my friends, leads you back to reason #1.

http://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2008/9/24/128667888433048990.jpg

Reason #3.  It has always been man’s mission to go where no man has been before.  It has never been man’s mission to go where damn near every man has been before.  Moreover, I’m sure, dearest reader, that you’re familiar with the saying that when you kiss someone you’re kissing every other person that particular person has kissed.  Can you just imagine how much male genitalia has been inside a porn star’s mouth?  I’m not ready to hazard a guess, but whatever the true answer is I’m sure I can’t count that high.

See?

See?

Reason #4.  I seriously doubt she’s going to stop working just because you’re dating her or married to her.  Is your manly ego going to be able handle her banging multiple guys?  At the same time?  5 days a week if not more?  No, it isn’t.  Unless you’re a male porn star, which, let’s face it, you’re not.

Let's face it. You're no Johnny Bravo so your ego is unfounded.

Accept it. You’re no Johnny Bravo so your ego is unfounded.

Reason #5.  As I stated earlier, it might be cool to be able to tell you buddies that you’re doing the mattress mambo with a porn star, but would you really tell your parents that?  Depending on who your father is, you might get a high-five or you might get bitch-slapped with a bible.  No matter who your mom is she won’t be impressed.  Or, you could have to tell a parent like this guy.

Red Forman

Reason #6.  Sexually Transmitted Diseases.  Porn stars get them despite what precautions they take.  You may get the clap and it won’t be applause.

No, not that kind of clap.

No, not that kind of clap.

Needless to say, any man with aspirations of dating a porn star is either delusional, stupid, or both.  There are no good reasons to even consider doing so.  It’s definitely a case where it’s better to look than to touch.

 

Deputies shoot, kill innocent man

Deputies shoot, kill man after knocking on wrong door | Watch the video – Yahoo! News.

Hypothetical situation.  Someone starts pounding on your front door in the middle of the night.  They fail to identify themselves.  You have a gun in the house.  Do you take it with you to see who’s at the door?

I would.

Turns out this situation happened the other night.  Deputies knocked on the wrong door looking for Jonathan Scott, a murder suspect.  They did not announce that they were police, which as far as I know they are required to do.  Andrew Scott answered the door with a firearm in  his hand ready to defend himself if the need arose and the police opened fire on him, killing him.

As far as I’m concerned, this is gross misconduct on the part of every officer involved in this situation.  You can’t just pound on someone’s door in the middle of the night and not identify yourself.  Hell, you don’t do that at any time.

To top it all off, during the video a police spokesman says, “It’s a bizarre set of circumstances but the bottom line is if you point a gun a deputy sheriff or police officer you’re gonna get shot.”

A bizarre set of circumstances?  Riddle me this, douche.  How was he supposed to know it was police officers on the other side of the door if they never told him?  For all he knew there were criminals with malice aforethought on the other side of the door and he was taking the precautions he deemed necessary to defend himself and his home.

Furthermore, this “bizarre set of circumstances” was propagated by the deputies involved in the shooting by NOT identifying themselves as law enforcement.

The officers responsible for the shooting have been placed on administrative leave.  That’s far too kind a punishment for what they’ve done.  At the very least they should be charged with involuntary manslaughter as the entire situation devolved because of their negligence.

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Random Thoughts: 7/16/2012

  • Happy birthday to Revis Edgewater!
  • Mitt Romney doesn’t like the fact that the Obama campaign is attacking his character with negative ads.  So the natural thing to do is to release some positive ads to counteract the negativity, right?  Right?!?!  Apparently not.  Romney released his own negative ad besmirching Obama’s negative ads.  How typically hypocritical.  Gotta love politics.
  • Laszlo Csatary, a Nazi war criminal, has been located in Budapest.  The Simon Wiesenthal Centre is all over it and wants the man prosecuted.  While I get why they want to make this man pay for his crimes, what’s the freakin’ point?  The man is 97-years old and has lived a full life already.  The are more meaningful things to pursue.
  • The ACLU is suing the Highland Park school district because parents are fed up with a system in which 90% of its students are not proficient in reading or math.  I don’t generally agree with what the ACLU does most of the time and I don’t know how suing a school district which is extremely broke will help, but it’s better than doing nothing.  I wouldn’t send my children to this horrible excuse for a school system.
  • The US Olympian contestants will apparently being wearing uniforms that were….made in China.  How very appropriate.  In an election year in which the outsourcing of jobs is an important issue, our olympic athletes will be wearing red, white, and blue clothing with tags that say made in China.  I wonder what the children that made those uniforms wear thinking when they made them?
  • Michael Payless, a 33-year old father of three, left a loaded gun within reach of his 3-year old son on Friday night.  Today, Michael Payless is no longer among the living.  While his son was playing with the loaded weapon, it discharged and Payless died from the gunshot.

    I know some people are going to come on here and scream about tougher gun laws, but no law can regulate stupid.  Owning a gun comes with a lot of responsibility.  The biggest of which is ensuring that the firearm is not within reach of a child.  I’m a firm believer that every US citizen has the right to defend him or herself with a firearm against criminals who get their firearms by bypassing current gun laws, but those citizens should exercise some common sense.

    I’m just glad it wasn’t the 3-year old who paid the ultimate price for his father’s stupidity.

  • George Zimmerman’s legal troubles have just been magnified.  Not only does he have to somehow justify the murder of Trayvon Martin to keep himself out of prison, he now has a family friend accusing him of molesting her.  I hate to judge (well, not really), but George isn’t turning out to be a very likeable guy.  First he shot a teenager dead because he looked suspicious, then he lied (well, his wife did.  Allegedly) about how much money he had at a bail hearing, and now he’s been accused of molesting a young girl.  Nice guy, that George.
  • This post is going to be uncharacteristically short.  Most of the news articles I perused to construct this post were political posts dealing with the coming election and I just didn’t have the patience to read them.  Or the desire, for that matter.  I can only stand so much political posturing, and that’s all these idiots do any more.  They very rarely talk about what they plan to do if elected and concentrate on the fuck-ups of their opponent’s past instead.  It gets old fast.  I’m tired of hearing about Bain.  I’m tired of political ads that attempt to slander the character of political hopefuls.  I’m tired of hearing about negative ads condemning negative ads.

    Hey, I have an idea.  Instead of searching for who’s to blame or where things went wrong why don’t we look for solutions instead?

Random Thoughts: 6/25/2012

  • The Punjab Province in Pakistan has told all of its 19,000 police officers that they must trim their waists down to at least 38″ or they will be looking for a new job after only a quarter of said 19,000 officers passed a fitness test.  I’ve always wondered why we don’t have such a requirement state side.  You ever see a really fat cop and wonder how he’s supposed to do his job if a criminal runs away?  The cop surely isn’t going to catch anyone on foot.
  • Some woman in Kansas City has been charged with locking her 10-year old daughter in a closet and not feeding her because she “makes a mess of herself.”  If this turns out to be true they should throw that woman in a closet and refuse to let her out to eat or go to the bathroom to see how she likes it.  It’s amazing to me that people can do this kind of stuff to their own children.  If you didn’t want kids then close your legs or put them up for adoption.
  • According to an Associated Press-GfK poll, 1-in-4 voters have not decided who to vote for this coming November.  Well, it’s like this.  Try deciding whether you’d like to die slowly from cancer while listening to Justin Bieber’s Baby on repeat or while AIDS methodically dismantles your immune system and you die from the common cold while forced to watch Jersey Shore repeats.  That’s what it’s like trying to decide between Obama and Romney.  Either one will kill you, you just have to figure out which one is less painful.
  • Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek suffered a mild heart attack over the weekend, but appears to be fine.  Trebek allegedly berated the doctors for not answering his questions in the form of, well, questions and decided to play “double jeopardy” by eating a double cheeseburger while in recovery.  He said he was in his own “Final Jeopardy,” and that he’ll do whatever he damn well pleases.  In all seriousness, though, I wish Trebek a full and speedy recovery.  I love Jeopardy! and hope Trebek can resume his duties on the show.
  • A 45-year old woman is suing a 13-year old boy because he accidentally hit her in the face with a baseball at a baseball game a couple of years ago.  I have a couple of thoughts here:
    1. How can she sue a minor?
    2. It was a freakin’ accident woman.  Calm the fuck down.
    3. The woman is seeking $500,000 in damages for “permanent injury she has suffered.”  Look, bitch, I’ve been hit in the face with a baseball before.  Yeah, it fractured my nose.  I went to the ER and that was the end of it.  Suing a child is not going to undo what was done.  And I doubt an 11-year old can throw a baseball with enough velocity to cause permanent damage to your face.
  • And we have another parent lamenting the fact that their child was punished for bad behavior while not acknowledging that said child is a detriment to society.  Valerie Bruno (nice name) has filed a complaint against Judge Scott Johansen.  For what, you ask?  Well, because when Valerie’s daughter was brought before Judge Johansen for holding down a 3-year old and chopping off her hair and for harassing another kid over the phone Johansen offered to cut the community service sentence in half if Bruno cut her daughter’s hair off right there in the court room.  And Bruno accepted the offer.

    Bruno now believes she was bullied by the judge and should have consulted a lawyer before making her choice.  Not once has she apologize for her daughter’s behavior or apologized to the two little girls her daughter bullied.  Here is another teaching moment ignored by another inept parent.  Instead of using this opportunity to teach her child something useful she’s bitching about her daughter’s punishment.  What the hell is wrong with people?

  • The Supreme Court has finally ruled on the Arizona Immigration law that cause such a ruckus last year.  They kept the part of the law that allows officers to inquire about immigration status during routine police business, but struck down the rest.  The consensus was that states cannot craft laws that undermine federal laws.  Well, I guess a partial win is better than nothing.
  • A poor, poor 18-month old girl had a fingertip bitten off by a family pet over the weekend.  The father immediately suspected the family dog, a pit bull, but that was not the case.  It was actually a piranha kept in the family aquarium.  Great, so not only is a toddler around a breed of dog that’s known to snap for no apparent reason, but the child is also within reach of a freakin’ piranha.  Can we get these folks a Parent of the Year award?  Dolts.
  • Is your infant keeping you up at odd hours in the night?  Are the 2AM feedings ruining your social life?  Follow in the footsteps of an enterprising young woman from Texas:  sell it.  That’s right.   You can get rid of the headache of those late night feedings AND earn up to $4000 when you find that one unsuspecting dope special person you know will be a great parent.

Random Thoughts: 6/13/2012

  • Apparently Robert Pattinson hates being called R-Patz.  Well, Robert, if you could act or choose wiser roles to accept the rest of us might care.
  • A financially destitute school district in Michigan, not content just to cut jobs, is now going to cut (or try to) down 55 trees on its propertyand sell the wood for an estimated $43,000 to help fill the $800,000 hole in its budget.  The community is outraged and wants to save the trees.  Superintendent John Deiter understands their frustration, but wonders why no outraged people called him last year when he had to cut jobs.  I want to disagree with his response so badly, but he has a point.  How can people get so worked up over some trees and not the loss of jobs?  Not just any jobs, but jobs that shape the future of our country.  Cutting the amount of teachers a school has doesn’t also reduce the amount of students attending the school.Ultimately, I don’t think cutting down the trees is a good idea.  It will hardly make a dent in their deficit and, honestly, is killing more trees really ever a good idea?
  • A two-mile long bridal train?  What an idiotically grotesque display of self-indulgence.  How do you even walk with two miles of silk attached to your head?  What a dumb fucking idea this was.
  • McDonald’s top chef claims that he sees nothing unhealthy on the McDonald’s menu.  In completely unrelated news, the top chef is also blind.Daniel Coudreaut, the top chef in question, says he takes his kids to McDonald’s once a week.  Also in unrelated news, they all have to go there in their scooters from the Scooter Store as they will not fit in the family Accord.
  • Polish and Russian soccer (or fútbol as it is known over there) clashed in Warsaw before a game between the two national teams.  Look, I get it.  You guys are patriotic and love your teams…but it’s just a fucking game.  Fan violence always baffles me because it’s so pointless.  No matter who wins whatever game is being played it doesn’t affect your life one way or the other.  Life goes on.  You still get up and go to work the next day.  You still have your family and friends.  There’s no need to attack anybody.  Good God, people are stupid.
  • Lady Gaga (ugh…) sustained a concussion recently while performing in New Zealand when a back up dancer “accidentally” hit her with a set prop that was being removed from the stage.  I would like to congratulate this dancer for his/her successful strike against a chronic noise polluter, and hope that this success can be duplicated if Lady Gaga attempts to pollute public air waves again.
  • What kind of loser posts a plea for a date on Twitter?  Well, Gio Gonzalez apparently.  The Washington Nationals’ multi-millionaire pitcher posted a desperate tweet the other day looking for a date to a “gala”.  Oh well, it’s classier than what Ben Roethlisberger would do.
  • Are an expecting parent?  Are you also having trouble coming up with a name for your brewing bundle of joy?  Fear not, consumer.  Groupon has you covered.  For a mere $1000, Groupon will hand-pick an original name for your debt-magnifier, and even choose the spelling of that name for you.Just so you understand, you’re paying Groupon for this undeniably indispensible service, not the other way around.  Too bad this offer wasn’t around when my children were born.  I could have Clembough, Clembough the Second, and Clembough the Third running around my house instead of Baby A, Baby B, and Baby C.  I somehow feel like a failure as a father now.
  • Do you have strange cravings?  Are you one of those rare people who enjoys bacon and ice cream?  At the same time?  Never fear.  Burger King has you covered.   Burger King has introduced a bacon sundae (EDITOR’S NOTE: WordPress attempted to change sundae to Sunday, because apparently the words bacon and sundae should not go together), and it will contain 510 calories, 18 grams of fat, 61 grams of sugar, and 100% pure deliciousness.  “McFlurry my ass,” a BK spokesman was quoted as saying.
  • In a recent phone interview with Piers Morgan on CNN, it was revealed by Casey Anthony and her attorney that Anthony has really been into the Hunger Games trilogy.  Morgan tried to insinuate, well, something, by pointing out that the Hunger Games were about killing children.  Look, there’s a lot of things to be said about this idiot and a lot of judgements that can be made by her actions, but reading the Hunger Games isn’t one of those things.  Everyone is reading the Hunger Games and watching the damned movie.  Move along, Morgan, there’s nothing to see here.
  • The KKK has applied to adopt a mile-long section of highway in Georgia and they don’t understand why people have a problem with it.  I mean, why should anyone have anything against an organization with a long history of violence and hatred?  Get over yourselves, people.
  • Some guy hitchhiking across the country while writing a memoir entitled “Kindness in American” was shot in Montana by a man he thought was offering him a ride.  The irony here is hilarious.  In all seriousness, though, I hope the victim makes a full recovery.  The idiot who shot him has been caught and arrested.
  • Middleborough, Massachusetts has just passed a law that allows police to cite citizens with $20 fines for swearing in public.  This is a gross fucking violation of my fucking free-speech rights.  Fuck.
  • Floyd Mayweather’s attorney is crying and whining because the jail he is currently in “may cause, not just huge financial harm to Mr. Mayweather, but also huge emotional harm if he is no longer able to pursue his boxing career because of the deconditioning he has suffered.”  Perhaps Floyd should have thought about that before breaking the law, huh?  No sympathy here.

Convicted of murder for texting and driving?

Wow.

38 states have made texting while driving illegal, but it looks like Massachusetts will be the first to imprison someone for breaking this law.

Aaron Deveau has been found guilty of motor vehicle homicide by texting and faces up to four years in prison after his vehicle swerved into oncoming traffic and hit a pick up truck and killing Donald Bowley on Feb 20 earlier this year.

I’m kind of torn on this.  I agree that Deveau needs to be held accountable for driving carelessly and ultimately causing the death of another human being.

On the other hand, this man is going to have a murder charge on his record for the rest of his life for merely checking his phone while driving.

I guess ultimately, I agree with the ruling.  Texting while driving is dangerous and unnecessary.  Is there really a text so important that you can’t wait until you get where you’re going to answer it?  Is a text message worth a life?

This conviction and the subsequent sentence may seem harsh, but if people aren’t held accountable the message is never going to be heard.  People need to know that there will be consequences for driving negligently and putting other lives at risk.  Just like driving drunk is dangerous, texting or being otherwise disturbed by a cell phone is even more dangerous.   According to this article, distracted driving (which includes cell phone usage) ranks higher than drunk driving.  I checked a couple of other sites and cell phone usage ranked higher on those sites as well.

The bottom line is this:  driving while texting (or using a cell phone in any other capacity) is dangerous and can be lethal.  Yes, this conviction and punishment are harsh, but the message needs to get out there.  Don’t text while driving.  You shouldn’t even text while walking.  We’ve all seen the videos of people falling into manholes while texting while walking.  Hell, Ryan Gosling became a “hero” a month or so ago when he stopped a woman who was texting while walking from meandering out in front of a bus.

What do you guys think?  Is the punishment too harsh, too lenient, or just right?

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Random Thoughts: 6/2/2012

  • Looks like the Saints players who denied the existence of a bounty system in New Orleans were lying.  I love how they’ve all been proclaiming their innocence since they were all suspended.  Like the NFL would suspend without solid proof of wrong-doing.  Idiots.
  • A survey of 1000 idiots people has found that 20% of people urinate in public pools.  Setting aside the fact that you would deliberately piss in a pool that other people are swimming in, why on earth would you piss in a pool and then continue to swim in it? 
  • There is apparently a new Star Wars video game in the works dubbed Star Wars 1313.  It’s a bounty hunter game set in level 1313 on Coruscant.  The game is supposed to explore the darker side of the Star Wars universe and may (I doubt it) have an M rating.  This sounds too good to be true.
  • When asked who should play him if a movie were to be made about his life, Bill Clinton went with George Clooney.  He then picked Meryl Streep to play Hillary.  So when Bill cheats on Hillary in the movie, you’ll still nod your head in agreement and think to yourself, “Look who he married.  I don’t blame him.”
  • If you’re interested in learning the ingredients of “bath salts,” the “new LSD” as it is called, click on this link.  Bath salts is believed to be the catalyst of the recent “zombie” sighting in  Miami, Florida, where a 31-year old man attacked another man and ate half of his face.  Authorities still have not ascertained why Mila Jovavich did not intervene.
  • A fine gentleman in Cleveland was handed a $344 citation for littering when money he was attempting to give to a homeless man fell to the ground.  Stay classy, Cleveland.
  • Axl Rose’s doucebaggery knows no bounds, evidently.  You are apparently not allowed to wear Slash t-shirts at a GNR concert.  Some poor chap who attended the GNR concert at London’s O2 arena was forced to remove his slash shirt prior to entering the arena.  To top it all off, Axl showed up an hour late.  What an ass.
  • Christina Valdez, the mother of the child who received the Catastrophe Award, tries to defend herself by saying she’s there for her children 24/7 and that she knew of 3 or 4 assignments that her child didn’t complete because she didn’t write them down in her book.  She says she only wanted an apology from the school for their “humiliating” award.  Yeah, well, in 10 years your daughter’s going to want an apology from you for failing as a parent.  Shut up about the award already and raise your child.
  • Some high school students in Mink Creek Idaho had their video camera recording one day and recorded what may have been the mythical Bigfoot. Upon closer inspection of the video, however, experts deduced that it was merely Rosie O’Donnell.
  • Heath Campbell, an idiot who named 3 of his 4 kids after prominent Nazi figures (including one named Adolf Hitler) had his children taken away from him in 2009 for merely naming them after members of the third Reich.  Now, I don’t condone naming a child after Hitler, Himmler, or any of the other idiots that tried to take over the world in the 1930’s, but to take away children from loving parents, however idiotic they may be, seems unconstitutional to me.  Do we take children away from parents because they’re racist?  Because they hate gays?  Because they let them listen to Justin Bieber?  No, we don’t.  If this guy wants to be a Nazi and teach his children to be Nazis, it’s his constitutional right to do so.  As long as he’s not neglecting or abusing his children, the court has no right to take those children away. 
  • The Defense of Marriage Act, passed in 1996, has been found unconstitutional by a federal appeals court on the grounds that the federal government has no authority to define a state’s definition of marriage.  What this means for gay marriage is anyone’s guess.
  • These are the type of stories you should see on the news.  Not some bullshit about another murder or robbery.  Not news piece designed to inspire fear and promote conspiracy theories.  But this:  A 9-year old boy who won a family vacation to Disney World gave it a girl whose father had just been killed in Afghanistan.  What a classy kid.  How many of you would have done that?  Then, the Disney Company awarded this child’s family with an all-expense paid trip for his generosity and the kid is going to find another military family to donate the trip to.  I bow before this kid’s greatness.
  • An Al Jazeera documentary, Songs of War, alleges that detainees at Guantanamo Bay were tortured by having to listen to Sesame Street songs on repeat for days on end.  My first reaction to this was to laugh uncontrollably for about a minute.  My second reaction was to realize how fucking cruel this is.  Could you imagine having to listen to Elmo’s Song for days on end?  Cruel and unusual indeed.
  • Guitar Pee?  Yes, please.

  • NYC Mayor Michael Bloomburg plans to propose a ban on sales of sugary beverages larger than 16oz.  Just how far into our lives does the government plan to reach?  Isn’t taking choice away also taking some of our freedom away?  Look, Bloomberg, if you take away soda people are going to find something else to shove in their pie-holes.  Why don’t you find something productive to do with your time instead of this giant sack of suck?
  • Another day, another Christian preacher who wants to kill gay people.  What the fuck is wrong with these guys?  Is there an 11th commandment I don’t know about?
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8-Year-Old Gets ‘Catastrophe Award’ for Most Homework Excuses | ABC News Blogs – Yahoo!

8-Year-Old Gets ‘Catastrophe Award’ for Most Homework Excuses | ABC News Blogs – Yahoo!.

Okay, here’s another parenting fail.

Some woman in Tucson, Christina Valdez, is all up in arms about her 8-year old daughter receiving a rather dubious award:  The Catastrophe Award.

The little girl received the award for having the most excuses for not turning in her homework.

Valdez is more than a little pissed and called the school to complain, but claims the principal blew her off and told her it was a joke.

Valdez doesn’t see the humor.

“I think it’s cruel and no child should be given an award like this. It’s disturbing,” she told the local ABC affiliate.  Valdez claims that she wasn’t aware that her daughter had a problem turning in her homework.

Look, if the child wasn’t turning in her homework that would obviously be reflected in the grades she was bringing home.  If you aren’t aware of how your child is performing at school, that’s YOUR fault.

Furthermore, you should be more concerned with holding your daughter accountable than trying to get the school in trouble because she was “humiliated.”  Guess what?  We all get humiliated sometimes.  It’s part of life and it’s something she’ll (the daughter) have to deal with at some point or another.  There’s no time like the present to learn how to deal with it.

I’ll tell you what:  I bet that girl remembers that award next year and does her homework to avoid being humiliated like that again.  Is this a somewhat cruel method to motivate a child?  Perhaps, but it’s effective.

We need to quit coddling our children.  Life isn’t all fun and roses where everyone wins and everyone’s talented like they tell children nowadays.  Our children shouldn’t be 18 when they find that out.  If a child isn’t performing the way they should in school then they need to know.  You are failing the child by not telling them and passing them on to the next grade.

I realize that Christina Valdez has her child’s best interests at heart, but her priorities are misplaced.  Her attention should be directed towards her daughter and not the school.  You may not agree with the method, but that teacher sent a message to her child the day she handed her that award and I bet/hope it works.

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Mitt Romney hits magic number

Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts,...

Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts, 2010 US presidential candidate. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is my first attempt at a satire article.  Please let me know how I did, even if it’s to let me know I should never attempt this again.

Mitt Romney hit the GOP’s magic number today, gaining the 1144 delegate votes needed to make him the party’s unofficially official presidential candidate.  He can’t officially be named the GOP’s nominee until August 27, when the Republican National Convention is set to be held.

Romney received the remaining 78 needed delegates from the Lone Star state, otherwise known as Texas, a state that has produced many winners in the past, including George W. Bush and Rick Perry.

After receiving a projected 152 out of 155 delegates in Texico, Romney said he was humbled to have become the GOP’s nominee.

“I am very  honored and flattered that I was able to get a bunch of extraordinarily bigoted Christians to vote for me, a Mormon.  Now, come this November, our country’s citizens will have to choose between a Mormon and a black guy who supports gay marriage and charge him with the task of running this country further into the ground.  I am confident that on November 6, this country vote for me, the guy with the stay-at-home wife, of whom everyone is jealous,” Romney wrote.

Romney was pretty much a shoe-in for the nomination as all of his competition has fallen by the wayside.  Rick Perry dropped out when he realized nobody cared that he doesn’t want gays in the military.  Newt Gingrich ran out of money pursuing votes for the moon base, and Rick Santorum dropped out because of an illness in the family.  Nobody has seen or heard from Ron Paul in weeks, and he’s presumed dead.  Michele Bachmann dropped out after she was advised that this was a rich, old man’s party and that she had the improper equipment.  Herman Cain bowed out in December amid allegations of sexual misbehavior so plentiful and heinous that Bill Clinton sued for copyright infringement.

Romney began his quest for presidency last June.  During a gathering at his New Hampshire farm he declared that Barack Obama had failed America because he uses words most Americans don’t understand.  “Is there really a need for the amount of syllables the president uses?” he inquired of the gathered crowd.  “I don’t understand half of what he’s saying!”

Romney is the first Mormon  presidential candidate of a major party in…ever.  Asked if his religious beliefs would influence his policies, Romney declared, “Boy will they ever!” enthusiastically before continuing to say, “My administration will redefine marriage to be between one man and however many women he wants.  Every wife will have to sign a wife agreement.  Oh, and gay marriage?  Yeah, it’ll still be illegal.  In fact, we’ll make being gay illegal.”

Asked about Romney winning the nomination, president Barack Obama said, “Mitt Romney?  That Mormon guy?  That’s who they’re going to run against me?  Shit, I can stop campaigning now and still win.”

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