It’s been a while since a participated in the Daily Prompt. Although I’m sure you’ve all had withdrawals, I commend you for your perseverance for, uh, persevering through those tough times. But I’m back, and I’m here to alleviate your pain. Or add to it, depending on your point of view. Eh, fuck it.
Well, we made it. Against all odds. It’s the final day of 2012. It will be 2013 in a matter of hours.
Answer: It better fucking not be!
So now that the year is pretty much finished, let’s recap what we learned in 2012:
- 47% of Americans will vote for democrats no matter what so they can keep getting free shit from the government.
- Corporations are people, too. They have feelings, they love, and they hurt.
- Women now come in binders. We still don’t know what size binders, however.
- If you have a successful business, STFU. You didn’t build that.
- The WWE is so lowbrow that they’ll induct people like Mike Tyson into their Hall of Fame.
- Do not leave your wallet at the scene of the crime. You’ll get caught faster that way.
- Don’t fuck with the Muppets.
- In a hardly surprising development, people who give in to racism and prejudice may simply be dumb, according to this study.
- Donald Trump is an even bigger idiot than we all realized.
- Heavy users of Facebook have low-self esteem and suffer from “Facebook depression.” In completely unrelated news, I think I’m developing a condition known as “Holy shit! Public funding pays for studies like that?” Syndrome. It’s a condition in which the affected person has random urges to either commit suicide or go on a killing spree when confronted with societal stupidity. Perhaps that will be something we learn in 2013.
- A 28-year old Mexican lady received a transplanted heart that had fallen out of its coolerand rolled out into the street. Five second rule!!
- SOPA failed because the congressman and senators would no longer have access to porn.
- Rob Lowe should stick to being a horrible actor and try to leave NFL news reporting to the professionals.
- George Lucas has feelings. And when they get hurt by anonymous internet hacks insulting his work he will sell his company to another company that knows how to make better movies. See? Bitching on the internet makes things happen.
- Even Stephen Hawking can’t figure out women. I guess this just means we’ll never know.
- People are too stupid for democracy to work.
- The GOP think they have every right to regulate female genitalia.
- If you get pregnant from the result of rape, that’s exactly the way God planned it.
- If a celebrity (such as. ooooh, Whitney Houston) puts herself in a drug-induced coma and drowns in the tub people will feel sorry for her.
- It’s too expensive to construct an actual Death Star.
- Eating at the Heart Attack Grill can actually give you a heart attack.
- If you use birth control, you are a slut according to Rush Limbaugh. I guess he would be the supreme authority on what constitutes a slut and what doesn’t, eh?
- If you wear a hoodie, you are a “gansta,” and it automatically implies suspicious behavior.
- If you’re a lesbian, don’t expect to receive communion at your mother’s funeral. You know all you gay people are going to hell. Why would you even try?
- Kirk Cameron thinks that homosexuality is ”detrimental and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization.” It appears that poor old Kirk just can’t stand how irrelevant he’s become.
- Harold Camping, the moron who incorrectly predicted the end of the world twice last year, apologized for the error. He said it wasn’t a big deal anyway, since the world would be ending for sure on 12/21/2012. Oh, wait…
- If you leave your wife, change your name, and then marry another woman Facebook will out you.
- Rick Santorum promised to root out “obscene” pornography if elected president.
- The correct way to celebrate your video going viral is to masturbate in public.
- Mitt Romney’s politics are similar to an etch-a-sketch.
- Lying to a judge to get out of jury duty, and then calling a local radio station to brag about it is just dumb.
- Cocaine contributed to Whitney Houston’s death.
- 15,000 people will show up at a church just to hear Tim Tebow preach on Easter Sunday. If this isn’t a sad reflection on our society I don’t know what is.
- Drinking over 2 gallons of Coca-Cola a day will cause you do die of a heart attack at the young age of 30.
- The Sunlight Foundation has determined that Republicans sound dumber than Democrats. After listening to the likes of Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and Rick Perry, I have no choice but to agree.
- Bath salts create zombies.
- You can pee and play music at the same time.
- Justin Bieber is so talented that he can knock himself out by slamming his head into a glass wall.
- Texting and driving can result in a murder charge. Make sure you’re using your hands-free device in the car.
- It’s a sad day when there are two organizations protesting and the classier organization is the KKK. Stay classy, Westborough Baptist Church.
- You can deep fry Kool-Aid.
- 81% of men would date a porn star. The other 19% don’t want an STD.
- If you’re black and have a white fiancee…well, you’re not really black.
- If someone doesn’t want to have sexual intercourse, the body will not permit that to happen. This amazing discovery will lead to the elimination of rape.
Well, there you have it. We have become a much more intelligent species in the past year, as the above bullet points prove.
On a more serious note, I would like to thank all of you following me for, you know, following me and reading the crap I publish on an almost daily basis. I’d also like to thank those bloggers who offered words of encouragement when I shared my personal struggles, specifically Elyse, Nikki, and Life With the Top Down.
I’d like to wish you all a very happy and safe New Year.
If you were asked to spend a year living in a different location, where would you choose and why?
I have always wanted to travel throughout Europe. I would love to be able to travel from country to country just to be able to take in all of the history each country has to offer. So much has happened in that part of the world. So much to see and so much historical architecture to behold.
The question, however, specifies that I can choose only one location. If I could only pick one I would have to pick England.
Well, England has a rich history. Our founding fathers were immigrants from England and the values of our society today originated there. Most importantly though, they speak English.
Honestly, it drives me nuts when people come to my country and don’t speak our language, so there’s no way in hell I would go to another country where I would be doing the same thing. It’s stupid. How would I survive if I went to, say, France, and didn’t understand a lick of French? How would I ask for directions? How would I order my food? How would I even be able to interact with the staff at whatever hotel I’m staying in? If I took a tour of a historic monument, how the hell would I know what guide is telling me about the monument during the tour? It just makes no sense.
Sure, I could use google translate, but that isn’t perfect. I suppose I could hire a translator, but how would I know that he’s really telling people what I want him to say? How would I know that what he’s telling me is really what someone wanted to tell me? How would I know I could trust him? What if I say excuse me to someone and my translator is having a bad day and insists to that person that I said to kiss my ass? What then?
So, yeah, I’d go to England if I had the choice. I’d go for the history, the architecture, the lack of a language barrier, and the kick ass accent. I love the British accent. Especially a woman with a British accent. Damn, that’s sexy!
What about you, dearest reader? Where would you go?
Check out these other great Daily Prompt posts:
- Anders Behring Breivik described in detail for the court in Norway how he carried out his killing spree last July. The testimony is gruesome and disturbing, but that’s not the reason I’m sharing this link. Per the article, the main goal of the trial is to determine Breivik’s sanity. If insane he’ll naturally be committed to a psychiatric ward. If found sane he’ll face a maximum of 21 years in prison. Let me repeat. If he’s found sane, he faces a maximum of 21 years in prison. Only 21 years for killing 77 people? That’s almost a quarter of a year for each person he killed. Sane or insane this guy is a menace to society and whatever they find out about his sanity should be irrelevant. He should not be set free for the rest of his life, whether it’s to protect others or as punishment for his crimes.
- Some woman in New Zealand died of a heart attack at 30-years old in 2010. Cited among the many reasons that contributed to her heart attack was the woman’s Coke habit. No, not cocaine. Coca Cola. She allegedly drank between 2.1 and 2.6 gallons of Coke per day. Gallons!! Folks, my family of 5 doesn’t go through that many gallons of milk in a week, let alone pop (or soda or whatever it’s called where you live). Un-fucking-believable.
- There’s a museum in Big Rapids, Michigan that features racist artifacts. You just can’t make this stuff up. The Jim Crow Museum of Racist Memorabilia claims it has amassed the “nation’s largest public collection of artifacts spanning the segregation era, from Reconstruction until the civil rights movement, and beyond.” Wow. Are they proud of this? Who would be interested in seeing this? Why would you want to look at evidence of the sorriest chapter in American history?
- Annie Clark, a 7-year-old born without hands has been awarded a national award for penmanship. The girl is somehow not only able to write, but write wonderfully gripping a pen between both of her forearms and manipulating it. What an amazing little girl.
- Ted Nugent was interviewed by the Secret Service after the idiot said, at an NRA meeting of all places, “If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” The Secret Service concluded that there is no threat and the matter has been resolved. There has been no word yet on who will pick up the tab for the hookers.
- At George Zimmerman’s bond hearing, his wife testified that he’s not a violent man. I obviously don’t know George
at allas well as she does, but doesn’t shooting and killing someone kind of negate your assertion that he’s not violent?
- I know I shouldn’t find this funny, but I do. 16 Amish men and women have been indicted for…beard and hair-cutting attacks against other Amish. Apparently in Amish culture it’s taboo for woman to cut their hair and men must stop shaving once they’re married. There was apparently some kind of religious disagreement that provoked the attacks (why does this seem familiar?) in which hair was cut against the will of the victims. Like I said, I shouldn’t find this funny but the idea of some Amish holding some other Amish down and cutting their hair is just hilarious.
- The so-called “personhood” bill in Oklahoma, which would give embryos full rights as a person (and thus making abortion a crime) failed before the Republican controlled state could vote on it. And here I thought it would be the Supreme Court striking it down.
- A Pakistani-born baby born with 6 legs had them all (the extra appendages) successfully removed by a team of 5 doctors. There’s a picture of the baby before surgery if you click here. It’s kind of freaky looking. I hope the baby recovers successfully and has a long, normal life.
- Homosexuality is apparently frowned upon in Japan, too. I love how they accuse a commercial of “encouraging homosexuality.” Like people have a choice. Like I could be completely straight until I saw that commercial and then turn gay. People have no control over what gender they’re attracted to, folks. Let’s get past this already.
- This article is just sad. It starts out by saying “A prominent U.S. Catholic nuns’ group said on Thursday it was “stunned” that the Vatican reprimanded it for spending too much time on poverty and social justice concerns and not enough on abortion and gay marriage.” How typical. Yes, let’s quit helping the poor and addressing social injustice so we can tell everyone what they already know: the Catholic Church is against abortion and gay marriage. This just in: the sky is blue, water is wet, and shit stinks. These nuns were shocked to hear the Vatican’s assessment and I don’t blame them. They’re priorities were, and are, fine.